Do you often feel lethargic, like you have no energy? Next time, try charging your body through electrocution via lightning bolt. I now make and sell pointy metal hats that are designed to be worn in thunderstorms.

2021/06/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When the music slaps, I dance like Jell-O. But not the green kind. No, I move like the sexy red. If you’ve never been sexually attracted to gelatin, wait until you see me jiggle.

2021/06/082021/06/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I serve my soup in football helmets, and I season it with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. Every spoonful tastes like the first spoonful, because you won’t remember. But the recipe is rigged, and not organic. It’s a formula based on gematria.

2021/05/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I just saw lightning, so I guess swim practice is canceled until you clear off the pool table and do the dishes. If you can sink the eight ball without getting it wet, you can have desert.

2020/05/062020/05/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If April in The Ozarks smells like 100% Pure Romance, it’s because we use the freshest organic love poetry. The earnest words of yearning are all locally grown right here in my heart.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite part of The Art of War are all the commas. I mean, I guess that’s my favorite part, because I had my pet monkey read the book for me and summarize it using banana analogies.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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To do nothing is to do something. Sometimes that’s a wise strategy, like when playing hide-and-go-seek while trying to act invisible so nobody sees you. But doing nothing is the worst thing you can do when it comes to marketing.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You don’t have to have lightning bolts for veins to realize that April in The Ozarks makes you smell powerful. That’s because I took Machiavelli’s complete works and condensed it into a cleansing fragrance.

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Please pray for me, and wipe your hands on my product, so it gets your signature scent, and can pulse out Buy Signals to you. $19.95 feels like a mild electrical shock similar to getting struck by lightning.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once made a large pot of Lightning Soup. It had two ingredients: Chlorinated water and swimmers in the pool during a thunderstorm.

2019/06/012019/06/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: lightning

Do you often feel lethargic, like you have no energy? Next time, try charging your body through electrocution via lightning bolt. I now make and sell pointy metal hats that are designed to be worn in thunderstorms.

Like this:

When the music slaps, I dance like Jell-O. But not the green kind. No, I move like the sexy red. If you’ve never been sexually attracted to gelatin, wait until you see me jiggle.

Like this:

I serve my soup in football helmets, and I season it with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. Every spoonful tastes like the first spoonful, because you won’t remember. But the recipe is rigged, and not organic. It’s a formula based on gematria.

Like this:

I just saw lightning, so I guess swim practice is canceled until you clear off the pool table and do the dishes. If you can sink the eight ball without getting it wet, you can have desert.

Like this:

If April in The Ozarks smells like 100% Pure Romance, it’s because we use the freshest organic love poetry. The earnest words of yearning are all locally grown right here in my heart.

Like this:

My favorite part of The Art of War are all the commas. I mean, I guess that’s my favorite part, because I had my pet monkey read the book for me and summarize it using banana analogies.

Like this:

You don’t have to have lightning bolts for veins to realize that April in The Ozarks makes you smell powerful. That’s because I took Machiavelli’s complete works and condensed it into a cleansing fragrance.

Like this:

Please pray for me, and wipe your hands on my product, so it gets your signature scent, and can pulse out Buy Signals to you. $19.95 feels like a mild electrical shock similar to getting struck by lightning.

Like this:

I once made a large pot of Lightning Soup. It had two ingredients: Chlorinated water and swimmers in the pool during a thunderstorm.

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