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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is timeless, like a broken watch. Our relationship is like 3:33 24/7/365, and that’s why it feels so complete.

2019/09/062019/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The heart is a magical vessel, because the more love you pour out, the more love you have to pour out, and right now I’m offering FREE refills!

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Come and enjoy Branson’s NEWEST attraction. If you can’t find the ride, and have no idea where to look, congratulations, you have already started The Helen Keller Experience!

2019/08/222019/08/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is timeless, like a broken watch. That’s why it’s now ON SALE for 50% OFF!

2019/02/052019/02/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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We made love like we made dinner. We had leftovers. The secret to testing the limits of what’s possible is covering all things with NASA’s lunar tinfoil, and it’ll keep meatloaf fresh for years.

2018/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Let me know the next time you go on a tropical vacation, so I can knit you a bikini. If you book now, I’ll even throw in a sloshing coffee table that comes with FREE refills.
  • They call it the Theater of War because it’s a play. The Zionists are playing you for fools, and they applaud when you kill their enemies—and they applaud when you die fighting for them. The next war will be their biggest ever blood-sacrifice ritual to Moloch.
  • Everybody knows I’m an adrenaline junky. That’s why nobody lets me watch mainstream news, because they know how it gets my heart rate amped. Fake narratives have a way of doing that to me.
  • It’s not that I don’t like buying things, it’s that I don’t like paying. But if you’re going to waste your money, you may as well spend it on me.
  • Dunkin’ Donuts considers its rival to be Starbucks. That means when Dunkin’ comes to town, not only are local donut shops threatened, but so are our local coffee shops. Way to go, Chamber of Commerce! You have helped to siphon money away from TWO categories of local businesses!
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