People from Kansas drive as slow as corn grows. They think just as quickly, too, and I recommend a conversation with a tourist from there as a natural sleep remedy.
Tag: kansas
I once had a pet tornado, but Kansas asked me to stop walking it on its lawn. I was so offended that I spilled myself on my lunch and stained by BBQ sauce with my T-shirt. This design has the same fighting twist as my old cuddling companion, and is now FOR SALE.
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The waves danced across Lake Taneycomo like liquid ballerinas, and they paused their performance to pass me a soggy scroll that had this scrawled, “Tourists will trade their livelihoods to be entertained.” So I turned off the blaring pirouette music and let them rest their feet.
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I once ran five miles an hour. It took me two hours to build up that kind of speed. I built it using 100% recycled material.
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A cloud with a stick affixed would make the ultimate umbrella. It’s the kind of thing I’d love to sell to midwestern farmers visiting Branson, tourists eager to spend all their government subsidy money.
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Are you a Never Forget or an Always Remember kind of person? I’m somewhere in the middle, like Kansas. I mean, I’m not there now, but I would be, if I weren’t stuck in a Time Mobius Trap I foolishly set to spring open on myself in the year 2019, on Nov 12th at exactly 3:33 PM.
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I also have other romantic items available FOR RENT, like my World Famous Leftover Meatloaf, though if you don’t return it in the same condition you rented it, I’m going to have to charge you $19.95.
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I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.
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Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)
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The best part about taking a two-week vacation in Branson is you’ll spend 12 of the 14 days stuck behind one Buick from Kansas driving as fast as a push lawnmower.
jarodkintz.com 