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Ducks now come with voice activation. Batteries and muffled fog-filled muffins sold separately. The ducks are waterproof, but the muffins do NOT double as dish sponges when soggy.

2020/05/012020/05/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Wasn’t it William Congreve, who in 1697 said, “Hell hath no fury like 1992 scorned”? He was a prolific and prophetic poet, and most of his later work still survives above urinals all over Branson, Missouri.

2019/12/132019/12/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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How do you wage war without firing a single gun? Start a trade war. How do you murder without getting your hands bloody? Start a trade war.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’ll be your Mozart, if you’ll be my gang of wolves. If you can do that, I’ll also be your Wolfgang.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When your skin gets carressed by the warm summer breeze, I hope you think of my breath on your body and remember the details. It’s the scents, tastes, and textures that provide richness to romance.

2019/11/262019/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • VOTERS think their rights come from The Constitution, but I know that my FREEDOM comes from God. VOTERS worship a piece of paper that’s already been shredded and burned.
  • The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.
  • Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can’t exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.
  • A mutual fund manager will charge you 1.5% for the service of losing all your wealth. That’s foolish, because if your strategy is to lose all your money, I’ll do it for you for ONLY 1.49%.
  • The only basketball player I’ve ever liked is Larry Bird. To me, the only way Larry Bird could be better is if he were Larry Duck.
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