People say jazz music puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, I don’t know if they’re trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. I hope it’s the latter, because now my music comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.

2021/12/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

“It’s not a proper duck farm if customers can’t ride a roaring bear—a bear that also happens to play the trumpet.” That’s a quote uttered and muttered by my grandpa, and he was mute, so you know it must be true.

2021/10/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

The funeral business is the only one with no repeat customers. Though you only die once, why not buy your own funeral from me twice? My Buy One Funeral, Get One FREE deal only applies the second time you purchase a custom Death Party.

2021/07/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I play the saxophone like a duck quacks. Tickets are ONLY $19.95. Lessons sold separately. No assembly required.

2021/06/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

As far as culinary artists go, I’m less Julia Child and more Julia Teenager. My cooking has the kind of maturity that screams, “You’re not my REAL father, and you can’t tell me what to do!”

2021/06/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Did you even know the saxophone could make farm noises? You know I’m a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven’t played an instrument ever before.

2021/06/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My pool may be empty, but I’m not going to cry about it, unless I use my tears to fill it up. If you’re not too busy, maybe you could help me. If you just think about all your failures, this thing should be overflowing in no time.

2021/06/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, but I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel. It’s best viewed when the scent of freshly cut grass is on the breeze, and soft jazz saxophone is playing in the background.

2021/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

As far as musicians go, Seal is my favorite. But not the Seal that looks like his face has been gored by a Great White Shark who sang in the 90s. No, I’m talking about the watery JazzSax virtuoso.

2021/05/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: jazz

People say jazz music puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, I don’t know if they’re trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. I hope it’s the latter, because now my music comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.

Like this:

“It’s not a proper duck farm if customers can’t ride a roaring bear—a bear that also happens to play the trumpet.” That’s a quote uttered and muttered by my grandpa, and he was mute, so you know it must be true.

Like this:

The funeral business is the only one with no repeat customers. Though you only die once, why not buy your own funeral from me twice? My Buy One Funeral, Get One FREE deal only applies the second time you purchase a custom Death Party.

Like this:

I play the saxophone like a duck quacks. Tickets are ONLY $19.95. Lessons sold separately. No assembly required.

Like this:

As far as culinary artists go, I’m less Julia Child and more Julia Teenager. My cooking has the kind of maturity that screams, “You’re not my REAL father, and you can’t tell me what to do!”

Like this:

Did you even know the saxophone could make farm noises? You know I’m a genius jazz performer because it sounds like I haven’t played an instrument ever before.

Like this:

My pool may be empty, but I’m not going to cry about it, unless I use my tears to fill it up. If you’re not too busy, maybe you could help me. If you just think about all your failures, this thing should be overflowing in no time.

Like this:

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, but I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel. It’s best viewed when the scent of freshly cut grass is on the breeze, and soft jazz saxophone is playing in the background.

Like this:

As far as musicians go, Seal is my favorite. But not the Seal that looks like his face has been gored by a Great White Shark who sang in the 90s. No, I’m talking about the watery JazzSax virtuoso.

Like this:

I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.

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