I used to give swimming lessons to dolphins, and I can tell you that this mammal has the aquatic talent of tumbleweed in the desert. I also once raced Michael Phelps and won. Not THE Michael Phelps, but A Michael Phelps, though I still think it’s a trophy-worthy accomplishment.

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The waves danced across Lake Taneycomo like liquid ballerinas, and they paused their performance to pass me a soggy scroll that had this scrawled, “Tourists will trade their livelihoods to be entertained.” So I turned off the blaring pirouette music and let them rest their feet.

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