In 2016 I deftly avoided stepping in the dog shit known as our Presidential Election. But here we are, nearly four years later, and some people are still chewing on that same piece of poop, while others have found a fresh turd to gargle.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)

2019/05/302019/05/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you thought bull riding was dangerous, you should try straddling a bucking cloud. I’ve never attempted something so crazy, because not only am I afraid of heights, but I’m also terrified of floating condensed water vapor.

2019/03/032019/03/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Kind Art Zoo Jar just invented lollipop-flavored pants. Taste before you buy! The crotch area has the most yum per square inch.

2019/02/132019/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.

2018/10/052018/10/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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We made love like we made dinner. We had leftovers. The secret to testing the limits of what’s possible is covering all things with NASA’s lunar tinfoil, and it’ll keep meatloaf fresh for years.

2018/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: invention

In 2016 I deftly avoided stepping in the dog shit known as our Presidential Election. But here we are, nearly four years later, and some people are still chewing on that same piece of poop, while others have found a fresh turd to gargle.

Like this:

Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more romantic, I go and prove I’m 1920s Paris personified. Tickets can be found in the back pages of Joyce’s Ulysses.

Like this:

Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)

Like this:

My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

Kind Art Zoo Jar just invented lollipop-flavored pants. Taste before you buy! The crotch area has the most yum per square inch.

Like this:

My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.

Like this:

We made love like we made dinner. We had leftovers. The secret to testing the limits of what’s possible is covering all things with NASA’s lunar tinfoil, and it’ll keep meatloaf fresh for years.

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