Do you often feel lethargic, like you have no energy? Next time, try charging your body through electrocution via lightning bolt. I now make and sell pointy metal hats that are designed to be worn in thunderstorms.
Tag: innovation
I saw a rooster on a leash, so I asked the guy walking it if he was offering Meals On A Leash. He denied being an industry disruptor, an innovator, so I snatched the approach to FRESH delivery food and transformed it into a new #startup.
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To do nothing is to do something. Sometimes that’s a wise strategy, like when playing hide-and-go-seek while trying to act invisible so nobody sees you. But doing nothing is the worst thing you can do when it comes to marketing.
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Right now I’m selling tornado-flavored ice cream at Buy One get 99 FREE for ONLY $19.95! (Offer not valid for residents of Oklahoma, Kansas, or Nebraska.)
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This is an innovative class, because you pay me $19.95, and in return I teach you nothing. But in doing so, I teach you everything, so I think it’s a deal and you’ll really get your money’s worth. Sign up today!
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My #BreathFilledAndFueled Candle Flames are 100% H2O proof. This incredible, inflatable, waterproof fire also comes in hat-shapes, and makes a great toupee for your balding redheaded lover, because that particular model is Ron Howard scented, and can be yours for ONLY $19.95.
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My Dancing Lessons In A Box are completely SOLD OUT. I’m waiting for more cardboard to come in, so you should Pre-Order yours today.
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My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.
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In between meals I eat snacks, and in between snacks I eat microsnacks, and this is how I plan on being around forever. Or at least a round.
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I want my coffee shop to wake up both your mind and your soul, and an innovative and immersive experience involving inspiration through a real time stream of relevant hashtags will make my Caffeine Distribution Operation worthy of being named Woke.
jarodkintz.com 