If you want to watch me perform, I’ll be at The Blue Green Turquoise Lounge. Ask for Denise. You’ll know she’s Denise because her nametag will say “Susan,” and she’ll be wearing a yellow leather sofa and a coffee table with FREE refills.
If I could, I’d work 24 hours a day. And by work I mean sleep, because I’m all about that Hustle Life.
If you happen to have a pet that’s so exotic it’s extinct, I do have specialty leashes, and I offer walking services at affordable prices. I’ll even walk your pet peeve, though there’s an extra cost due to the intrinsically irritating nature of the experience.
What’s more profitable than buying low and selling high? Not buying at all! Get this speaker while it’s still HOT!
I was born a salesman, and I was born after the promotional date, so I hope my mom got me for 50% OFF. I do know I was Buy One, Get One FREE, which is odd because I don’t have a twin, and that’s why I’m so extra.
The point of modeling is to increase the visibility of the clothing being showcased, so why hire beautiful people who only distract from the product? Why not hire me at 50% the cost, and a 100% increase in transparency?
If you buy enough fries from me, you can become your own bicycle ramp, and then you can actively become part of another person’s dream. Ask me about Bulk Discounts.
After you buy my Dancing Lessons In A Box, and before you leave a one-star product review on Amazon, you should remember that the box only appears to be empty, but it is in fact full of my love for you.
The world needs more love, and I need more money, which is my my new #startup idea of a floating gondola rowed romantically on fog in The Ozarks is a win-win-win, with the first two wins going to me, and the third one going to you, for the incredibly LOW PRICE of just $19.95.