Tag: humor
This is my first concert on grass. The only other time it happened was when I stood in a pasture clapping for Celine Dion for 45 minutes, before a farmer informed me that I was spooking his horse.
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When I sell a Karate Chop, I never give a handshake to seal the deal, because I don’t give out FREE samples of the deadliest product in all of Clown World.
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The best part about taking a two-week vacation in Branson is you’ll spend 12 of the 14 days stuck behind one Buick from Kansas driving as fast as a push lawnmower.
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If you want to watch me perform, I’ll be at The Blue Green Turquoise Lounge. Ask for Denise. You’ll know she’s Denise because her nametag will say “Susan,” and she’ll be wearing a yellow leather sofa and a coffee table with FREE refills.
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The key to riding a horse is making the horse think it’s in control, and you do that by giving it an Academy Award for Erin Brockovich.
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The Talmud is the most evil book ever written, and you could burn it, but it was forged in hell so fire is its companion element.
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This is an innovative class, because you pay me $19.95, and in return I teach you nothing. But in doing so, I teach you everything, so I think it’s a deal and you’ll really get your money’s worth. Sign up today!
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The reason I write music with one note occurring every 24 hours is that slow dancing is a lost art, and I’m trying to bring it back at an almost inaudible pace. Concert tickets $19.95 each, or two for $39.90.
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Andrew never says anything stupid, because Andrew never says anything at all. I don’t know if he’s a mute, or just incredibly wise.
