I’m wearing my Star + Ving T-shirt to a buffet. When it’s all-you-can-eat, I don’t just show up hungry. I show up starving.
Tag: humor
I make BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm’s World Famous SwimmingBird Soup out of four ingredients: Duckling, water, swimming, and Liquified Michael Phelps Motivational Quotes. It’s the last one that gives it that golden flavor.
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If you’re going to deviate sexually from what nature intended, I recommend becoming asexual. You save a lot of money and time by not dating, and you’d be amazed what you can accomplish by channeling your testosterone into intellectual pursuits.
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I serve my soup in football helmets, and I season it with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. Every spoonful tastes like the first spoonful, because you won’t remember. But the recipe is rigged, and not organic. It’s a formula based on gematria.
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I like my breakfast burritos at 7 PM, because I get out of bed 60 minutes earlier—and a full twelve hours before lazy roosters wake up. Do you slumber at midnight? What are you doing sleeping your life away?
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I think our town’s Chamber of Commerce needs to drink more coffee. Maybe then they’d WAKE UP to the idiocy of courting and promoting chain retail stores over local mom and pop shops.
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After you become your own Netflix, why don’t you try becoming your own Central Bank? But be sure to not make the mistake of getting assassinated.
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Everybody knows I’m an adrenaline junky. That’s why nobody lets me watch mainstream news, because they know how it gets my heart rate amped. Fake narratives have a way of doing that to me.
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It’s not that I don’t like buying things, it’s that I don’t like paying. But if you’re going to waste your money, you may as well spend it on me.
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The thing about driving down Memory Lane is you can only go in reverse. Another name for Memory Lane, at least for me, is The Drive Thru. It always reminds me of better days, like the ones that filled up last week.
