Tag: horse
People tell me I dance like my legs are on fire, and I let them, because they paid me $19.95 to learn how to rhythmically move like Armageddon. Also, none of the flames were injured in the making of this video.
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This is my first concert on grass. The only other time it happened was when I stood in a pasture clapping for Celine Dion for 45 minutes, before a farmer informed me that I was spooking his horse.
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The key to riding a horse is making the horse think it’s in control, and you do that by giving it an Academy Award for Erin Brockovich.
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My fried chicken is made from locally sourced materials, including, but not limited to: Formaldehyde, pink sludge, and perfume (to preserve that back-of-the-fridge stink, for the nostalgia factor).
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I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.
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Besides being The Horse Whisperer, I do a lot of other kinds of whispering. In fact, I wholesale whispers, and in my warehouse I store all manner of secrets, and all are FOR SALE.
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Have you ever ridden on a horse that was riding on a man? Well, now’s your chance! One ticket is ten dollars, or ten tickets for $99.01. That’s an incredible savings of .99 cents!
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When I was a little boy, my grandpappy always used to say to me, “Some men farm, some men fish, some men hunt, and some men make dank memes. Son, you’re no farmer, fisherman, or hunter, and I think if you had a twin, I’d like him better than you.”
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I am the CNN of Used Car Salesmen. I’ll sell you a dream, but don’t expect it to get you anywhere.
