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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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Tag: grass

When I was a child, I wanted to be a cowboy. But now that I am grown, I want to be a cowman.

2020/09/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If our ducks have to spend from sunset to sunrise cooped up, we want to make sure they are having the most fun, which means maximizing their exposure to critters that they can chase and eat.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People told me it couldn’t be done, but I didn’t listen, because I had already paid for a trophy to award myself. So when I couldn’t do it, I went and purchased a participation trophy, and then I threw myself a victory celebration.

2020/05/062020/05/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling American Buffalo, but I am completely Out Of Stock. Can I interest you instead in bison? Bison is just as cuddly in soup format.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Before you can be where you want to be, you need to be who you want to be. Except if you want to be me, because that’s impossible, unless you want to work my shift tomorrow morning while I sleep in, and then yes, you can totally be me.

2019/10/242019/10/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best part about an all-you-can-eat buffet is the you part. I am starving for your love, and I thirst for your affection. I wonder if I can get FREE refills.

2018/08/192018/08/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Follow me on Twitter

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Recent Posts

  • VOTERS think their rights come from The Constitution, but I know that my FREEDOM comes from God. VOTERS worship a piece of paper that’s already been shredded and burned.
  • The secret ingredient that makes duck soup tasty is swimming. That’s what gives it that fresh flavor.
  • Sometimes my kitchen sink doubles as a duck pond. Problem is, I can’t exactly move my diving board, so I have to relocate Greg Louganis Hour to another slot, like one on the toaster.
  • A mutual fund manager will charge you 1.5% for the service of losing all your wealth. That’s foolish, because if your strategy is to lose all your money, I’ll do it for you for ONLY 1.49%.
  • The only basketball player I’ve ever liked is Larry Bird. To me, the only way Larry Bird could be better is if he were Larry Duck.
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