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Tag: God

BearPaw Duck Farm is prepared for famine, and we actually sell Leather Soup. It’s flavored like shoes from 1933, and if you close your eyes while you slurp, you can taste my great grandpa walking around in them.

2020/12/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite kind of chips are the ones on people’s shoulders. I wish I could bag them up and sell them in vending machines.

2020/10/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m shocked to learn I’ve been saying the word joke wrong. My whole life I thought it was pronounced joke, like choke with a j, but it turns out it’s actually spoken as MAGA.

2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The People are correct when they say The Government is the answer. Too bad they get the question wrong. The correct question that matches that answer is: Who should you listen to if you want to go to hell?

2020/04/112020/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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God gave man feet for which to walk. And crush grapes. Can I get you a glass of wine? It’s homemade, though it kind of smells funky and fungal. But hey, a fun gal made it.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Every morning I give thanks for not only being alive, but for having my life. Can you imagine how terrible life would be if I were you?

2019/08/262019/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A broken clock is right twice a day—and that makes NOW the perfect time to buy one, because now when you Buy One Broken Clock, You Get FREE Fake Space! I buy Factory Direct from NASA, so you know my inventory is FRESH.

2019/03/072019/03/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you find yourself defending The Globalists, the same ones who want to exterminate you, then the odds of you being a TV Head are 100%. But hey, at least you’re safe from zombies, since they only eat brains.

2019/01/182019/01/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What else would you expect from a place that calls itself the “Land of The Free,” but has the highest incarceration rate in the world?

2018/12/032018/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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In a physical war, every soldier knows when he is under attack, but this Spiritual War is much more devastating, destructive, and decimating, because few Christians even realize they are marked and targeted for abuse.

2018/11/192018/11/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
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