If you are what you eat, then this morning I am nothing. But at least I’m awake, because I’m drinking coffee and I don’t watch mainstream news.
Tag: genius
Every time a duck talks to you, it says, “Quack.” That’s a species so advanced it has reduced the complexity of communication down to a one-word language.
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People say jazz music puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, I don’t know if they’re trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. I hope it’s the latter, because now my music comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.
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I play the saxophone like a duck quacks. Tickets are ONLY $19.95. Lessons sold separately. No assembly required.
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The boy on the left probably just heard you say you’re a VOTER, and the boy on the right probably just heard you tell him you’re taking him to The Cupcake Emporium. I can’t argue with the logic of both boys’ body language.
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Little children are geniuses at contorting their faces. Perhaps Jim Carrey could have been even more expressive if instead of practicing in a mirror, he’d just watched kids use body language to say what their limited vocabulary prohibits them from saying.
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No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
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I know A LOT about money. Not from, you know, having any, but more from reading about it.
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Some men fish, some men talk about fishing, and some men talk about some men talking about fishing. My question to you is simple. What kind of fish are you?
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America has too many laws, too many lawyers, and too many prisoners. That’s how we know it’s The Land of The FREE.
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