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Tag: futurist

Most people aren’t fortunate enough to know what the future looks like, but for Branson it looks fatter and older. Maybe hospital tourism is another way to attract a wider audience.

2020/01/122020/01/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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These days, robots will do everything. They’ll do your job, they’ll take your paycheck, and they’ll even make love to you, for a price, which of course you can’t afford because a robot stole your income.

2019/09/092019/09/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Microwavable Frozen Juice is The Drink of The Future! Trust me, I’ve been there. Either that or my watch is just five minutes fast. Either way, my 32-degree drink is ON SALE for just the next 300 seconds. Get it BEFORE the past catches up to this HOT new beverage!

2019/02/182019/02/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once made a muffin, but that was years ago. I suppose it’s about time to discount it and put it ON SALE. I would do a Buy One, Get One FREE, but I only made one. So I suppose I’ll offer it at Buy Half, Get Half FREE! (Limit one half per one whole customer.)

2019/02/132019/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Futurists often ask me what’s the secret to sales, and I tell them: “Offer things people don’t want at prices they can’t afford,” and then I tell them I have to go, because I’m late for a meeting in 25 years that starts in five minutes, and they knowingly nod.

2019/02/082019/02/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Waterfall is Closed For Business, because its father just died. I ask you to kindly let it grieve, and in the meantime, would you support the funeral costs by buying a pair of Used Hiking Boots? (They even come included with Leftover Meatloaf inside.)

2019/01/272019/01/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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