Rocky 4 is #1, and while Rocky is Rocky 1, it’s still #2. Rocky 2 is somewhere in the middle, like the year 1212. It’s time to take that time out of the freezer and reheat it in a volcano, like you’d do with any other leftovers.

2020/06/232020/06/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Funerals are so expensive these days that if I should die, don’t buy me a coffin, just bury me in a Tupperware Container and leave me in the back of the fridge with the Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I met a nice girl at my father’s funeral, and I’d like to say, Hello, grandma!

2019/04/092019/04/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Next time you have a funeral, you should hire a better DJ. Also, the cheese dip tasted a little funky, like a 1970s disco hit, and I like my queso smoother, like love songs from the 80s.

2019/02/162019/02/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Waterfall is Closed For Business, because its father just died. I ask you to kindly let it grieve, and in the meantime, would you support the funeral costs by buying a pair of Used Hiking Boots? (They even come included with Leftover Meatloaf inside.)

2019/01/272019/01/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You are what you consume, and I guess that makes me an all-you-can-eat buffet. Come to my funeral for discounted prices on ALL remaining body parts.

2018/08/242018/08/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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America’s biggest export is war, which means we switched from making widgets to manufacturing death, so it’s not surprising that McDonald’s tastes like a coffin.

2018/07/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: funeral

Rocky 4 is #1, and while Rocky is Rocky 1, it’s still #2. Rocky 2 is somewhere in the middle, like the year 1212. It’s time to take that time out of the freezer and reheat it in a volcano, like you’d do with any other leftovers.

Like this:

Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

Like this:

Funerals are so expensive these days that if I should die, don’t buy me a coffin, just bury me in a Tupperware Container and leave me in the back of the fridge with the Leftover Meatloaf.

Like this:

I met a nice girl at my father’s funeral, and I’d like to say, Hello, grandma!

Like this:

Next time you have a funeral, you should hire a better DJ. Also, the cheese dip tasted a little funky, like a 1970s disco hit, and I like my queso smoother, like love songs from the 80s.

Like this:

The Waterfall is Closed For Business, because its father just died. I ask you to kindly let it grieve, and in the meantime, would you support the funeral costs by buying a pair of Used Hiking Boots? (They even come included with Leftover Meatloaf inside.)

Like this:

You are what you consume, and I guess that makes me an all-you-can-eat buffet. Come to my funeral for discounted prices on ALL remaining body parts.

Like this:

America’s biggest export is war, which means we switched from making widgets to manufacturing death, so it’s not surprising that McDonald’s tastes like a coffin.

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