When you buy a dozen eggs from BearPaw Duck Farm, you get the first egg FREE, and the next eleven, maybe. I would give them to you now, but my Quacking Egg Factories make the eggs FRESH, not made to order.

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-19

From honeysuckle to mint to pine, nothing smells fresher than sweet nostalgia. Well, nothing except for The Future, which is synonymous with April in The Ozarks.

2020/03/032020/03/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-3

Today a guy asked me who’s the US President, and I looked at him like he was crazy before replying, “Desmond is Amazing.” He just stared blankly so I quickly added, “Wait, what time is it? I just got back from the year 2050, so that’s why I have a shopping cart full of bananas.”

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When you wash with April in The Ozarks, I guarantee you’ll be fresh. Maybe not as fresh as a monkey in a fur coat and sunglasses with a gold chain and a slow roll stroll, but pretty close.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Movies are so expensive these days, but if the theater has their bathrooms stocked with April in The Ozarks, and your dapper companion spends two hours washing his hands over and over and you miss the film, then it’s money well spent.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Fish-scented toothpaste that tastes like birds would be a SwimFly experience best sold in squeeze tubes. And if it had an afterflavor of Leftover Meatloaf, then it might have the essence of every Family Reunion I’ve never attended.

2019/10/022019/10/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Don’t forget to try my cabbage soup. It’s fresh NOW. Well, assuming you’re reading this on March 5th, 2012, which is coming up on seven years ago. With my Teleportation Box, you can buy from me no matter where you are in the world and still loyally shop local.

2019/02/162019/02/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I keep our love close to my heart, and I keep it cold so we can reheat it in the future, when you are ready for Pure Romance.

2018/11/272018/11/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Making love is a beautiful thing, but remember to bring some Tupperware Containers, just in case you make extra and need to keep it fresh for a few weeks. That way customers don’t complain about the smell of the product you are selling.

2018/09/092018/09/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy12

Agriculture is hard, and trees grow up so fast these days—most of them growing up without a father. That’s why I chose to #Startup a Meme Farm. Now I can press fresh Dankness, and sell it in Juice Format as a Coffee Alternative used in waking up The People.

2018/08/302018/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: fresh

When you buy a dozen eggs from BearPaw Duck Farm, you get the first egg FREE, and the next eleven, maybe. I would give them to you now, but my Quacking Egg Factories make the eggs FRESH, not made to order.

Like this:

From honeysuckle to mint to pine, nothing smells fresher than sweet nostalgia. Well, nothing except for The Future, which is synonymous with April in The Ozarks.

Like this:

Today a guy asked me who’s the US President, and I looked at him like he was crazy before replying, “Desmond is Amazing.” He just stared blankly so I quickly added, “Wait, what time is it? I just got back from the year 2050, so that’s why I have a shopping cart full of bananas.”

Like this:

When you wash with April in The Ozarks, I guarantee you’ll be fresh. Maybe not as fresh as a monkey in a fur coat and sunglasses with a gold chain and a slow roll stroll, but pretty close.

Like this:

Movies are so expensive these days, but if the theater has their bathrooms stocked with April in The Ozarks, and your dapper companion spends two hours washing his hands over and over and you miss the film, then it’s money well spent.

Like this:

Fish-scented toothpaste that tastes like birds would be a SwimFly experience best sold in squeeze tubes. And if it had an afterflavor of Leftover Meatloaf, then it might have the essence of every Family Reunion I’ve never attended.

Like this:

Don’t forget to try my cabbage soup. It’s fresh NOW. Well, assuming you’re reading this on March 5th, 2012, which is coming up on seven years ago. With my Teleportation Box, you can buy from me no matter where you are in the world and still loyally shop local.

Like this:

I keep our love close to my heart, and I keep it cold so we can reheat it in the future, when you are ready for Pure Romance.

Like this:

Making love is a beautiful thing, but remember to bring some Tupperware Containers, just in case you make extra and need to keep it fresh for a few weeks. That way customers don’t complain about the smell of the product you are selling.

Like this:

Agriculture is hard, and trees grow up so fast these days—most of them growing up without a father. That’s why I chose to #Startup a Meme Farm. Now I can press fresh Dankness, and sell it in Juice Format as a Coffee Alternative used in waking up The People.

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