You left too early last night. If only you’d have stayed another ten minutes, you’d have gotten to enjoy my dazzling saxophone solo. I’m sure my enraptured audience forgot that they were at a party and thought they were in an elevator.
Consumers tell me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm has the longest wait times to reach a customer service representative.” I always reply, “The unsatisfactory products you have to purchase, but the lesson in patience you get for FREE.”
In 2020, blindfolds aren’t worn over one’s eyes—they’re worn over mouths. The quickest way to spot someone with no insight is to look and see if they are wearing a face mask for a virus that’s so deadly it would lose in a one-on-one fight against Hillary Clinton, who’s still FREE.
When you buy a dozen eggs from BearPaw Duck Farm, you get the first egg FREE, and the next eleven, maybe. I would give them to you now, but my Quacking Egg Factories make the eggs FRESH, not made to order.
As Americans, we can VOTE our way to FREEDOM. After all, that’s how our Founding Fathers gained Independence from England in 1776.
When you act NOW, you also receive a FREE copy of my newest book: “How to put out riot fires with your naked body.” The book itself is burnable, and should altogether be banned by The Government.
FREE networking tip #13: Instead of offering your hand when meeting someone, extend a rubber duck that squeaks. It’s just a small gesture that says, “I’m here, you’re here, and I really care.”
Covering motion stairs with fur does not make a Pet Escalator. Ask me how to convert your retirement nest egg into one giant omelet.
Sure, Bill Gates is one of the publicized richest men in the world, and he can afford to purchase SwimmingBird Pie, but I think you’ll agree that sometimes FREE just tastes better. Look how happy he is that I shared my world-famous pie with him. He can’t believe I’m so generous.