I am The Mozart of Sportsball. If you think that’s cool, just imagine who I’d be if I actually played.

2021/12/31 jarodkintz11 Comment

If he’s shorthanded, I guess he’s not a pianist. Well, neither am I, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to book myself performances at birthday parties, weddings, and elevator rides.

2021/10/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

If more people knew about gematria, Vegas would go broke. Football is scripted, except instead of using letters, each season is plotted out by the numbers.

2021/08/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, but I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel. It’s best viewed when the scent of freshly cut grass is on the breeze, and soft jazz saxophone is playing in the background.

2021/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Football is just a numbers game. I’m talking about gematria.

2021/01/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When you arrive at BearPaw Duck Farm, ask for Natalie. Natalie doesn’t work here, and nobody here knows anybody named Natalie, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for her. We have a cozy lobby where you can wait for her, with comfy wooden benches and cold coffee to drink.

2020/12/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Bank tellers used to hand out suckers to the children waiting in line. Growing up I loved it, because where else could I get free VOTERS?

2020/10/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You can’t call yourself a Christian and then VOTE in an anti-Christ system. Some of you spend so much time watching football that you now read at the same level as the average NFL player, but The Bible and salvation don’t care about your second-grade intellectual capacity.

2020/09/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-4

Why plan for a doomsday disaster when you could just drink beer and watch football? Funeral home directors everywhere thank you for your inaction.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-19

Tag: football

I am The Mozart of Sportsball. If you think that’s cool, just imagine who I’d be if I actually played.

Like this:

If he’s shorthanded, I guess he’s not a pianist. Well, neither am I, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to book myself performances at birthday parties, weddings, and elevator rides.

Like this:

If more people knew about gematria, Vegas would go broke. Football is scripted, except instead of using letters, each season is plotted out by the numbers.

Like this:

Pele popularized the bicycle kick, but I created the unicycle kick. It’s like the bicycle kick, only it requires more balance and one less wheel. It’s best viewed when the scent of freshly cut grass is on the breeze, and soft jazz saxophone is playing in the background.

Like this:

Football is just a numbers game. I’m talking about gematria.

Like this:

When you arrive at BearPaw Duck Farm, ask for Natalie. Natalie doesn’t work here, and nobody here knows anybody named Natalie, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask for her. We have a cozy lobby where you can wait for her, with comfy wooden benches and cold coffee to drink.

Like this:

Bank tellers used to hand out suckers to the children waiting in line. Growing up I loved it, because where else could I get free VOTERS?

Like this:

You can’t call yourself a Christian and then VOTE in an anti-Christ system. Some of you spend so much time watching football that you now read at the same level as the average NFL player, but The Bible and salvation don’t care about your second-grade intellectual capacity.

Like this:

I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

Like this:

Why plan for a doomsday disaster when you could just drink beer and watch football? Funeral home directors everywhere thank you for your inaction.

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