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Tag: fog

Who would you rather buy your Duck Soup from, me or some other guy? OK fine, but what if that other guy is SOLD OUT? Then what? What do you mean you’ll just go to Popeyes for a Spicy Chicken Sandwich?!

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I believe we are all being reduced to poverty through the devaluation of our fiat currency and the forced closures of small businesses. I also believe mass starvation is coming. Am I living in Fantasy Land? No. I’m living fantastically in The Ozarks, and I am preparing.

2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Ever wake up in a fog, and you don’t know if you’re in reality or you’re still dreaming? Well, when you open your eyes in The Ozarks, you are BOTH awake and in a dream.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Ducks now come with voice activation. Batteries and muffled fog-filled muffins sold separately. The ducks are waterproof, but the muffins do NOT double as dish sponges when soggy.

2020/05/012020/05/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Some people can take long naps. I’m one of them. That’s why I’m Nap Champion of The World. In fact, I was asleep for the first 20 years of my life. I credit The Iron Triangle for waking me up.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m Branson, Missouri, fool. I’m an only child. My parents are Orlando, Nashville, and Vegas. I’m also bad at genealogy.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It could also be argued there is no romance if there is no me, and of course it could be argued by me. You wouldn’t argue it, because you’d naturally agree.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Before you can be where you want to be, you need to be who you want to be. Except if you want to be me, because that’s impossible, unless you want to work my shift tomorrow morning while I sleep in, and then yes, you can totally be me.

2019/10/242019/10/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best part about living in The Ozarks is I’m not living anywhere else. This will be especially true when everywhere else gets destroyed, and I’m safe and alone, except for the elites who also saw The CIA map showing Florida getting flooded, along with most of The US.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If I could live anywhere, I’d live here, in this moment, with you.

2019/09/022019/09/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
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