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Tag: flower

Sometimes I schedule low-paying job interviews just because we are living through hyperinflation, and the extreme juxtaposition fascinates me. One interviewer asked me if I’d ever made an NFT. The answer is yes, but for $11/hour I ain’t making or doing shit and it’s a fair trade.

2021/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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To grow as a person is good, but to grow a person is better. As for me, I’m growing a flower, and I think it’s for the best.

2021/06/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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She makes my heart flutter like a butterfly, when before it was still like a rose, and so in return I bought her the most romantic gift ever: A used dishwasher. I would have bought her a new one, but babies splash around too much in the sink.

2020/12/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Of all the ways to say I love you, saying it in Cupcake is the most romantic. Just don’t try to say I love you with a mouthful of strawberry I love you.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Everything is better when flavored with Love. That’s why my prices are so high!

2020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Let an array of colors scent your essence, and may you flourish like flowers. When the winds of adversity batter you, may your reaction bring freshness to the breeze.

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When I asked him about money, he melted like a piece of chocolate wrapped as a gold coin, and I never eat those things, for fear that they taste like Fake Money. Would you eat something that was flavored like fiat currency?

2019/11/082019/11/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m writing a history book. It’s about yesterday. It goes ON SALE tomorrow for $19.95, and it includes FREE Leftover Meatloaf from antiquity. Sources tell me it tastes like The French Revolution.

2019/08/282019/08/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make love like a rose, and I make war like a cactus. It’s up to you whether we are a garden or we are desert.

2019/08/192019/08/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • This song will be playing at all the hottest clubs from South Beach to Ibiza, and it will come to define Summer 2022. Babies will be made to this song.
  • McDonald’s makes my grandma’s leftover meatloaf look fresh. She died in 1999.
  • If I wrote a dictionary, would you read it? What if I made it flow like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel?
  • If you are what you eat, then this morning I am nothing. But at least I’m awake, because I’m drinking coffee and I don’t watch mainstream news.
  • If a library has no books, it’s just an empty building, and people would know there had been a heist. But if you burn the library after you loot it, then it’s not a robbery, it’s a loss that won’t be looked for or pursued.
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