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Tag: florida

Flamingos are pink giraffe ducks. That’s not just a fact—it’s also the promo code for your FREE tour of BearPaw Albino Horseneck Flamingo Farm.

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once got kicked out of a Kentucky Fried Chicken for shouting at the manager. How could it be Kentucky fried, I argued, if they were making it on location in the kitchen in Jacksonville, Florida?

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best part about living in The Ozarks is I’m not living anywhere else. This will be especially true when everywhere else gets destroyed, and I’m safe and alone, except for the elites who also saw The CIA map showing Florida getting flooded, along with most of The US.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sometimes the sunrise sky is so orange to blue and fluid I want to just chug it, but I don’t, I just sip it to make it last all morning.

2019/08/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Of course, a future world in which you live in a mailbox is obviously an exaggeration. It’s absurd! Do you really think The Globalists will let you enjoy so much living space? No, you’ll be confined to a tin can, and to ensure you fit they’ll incinerate you.

2019/03/282019/03/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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She moves smooth like the fog glides down the hills of The Ozarks, and each step is filled with romance and mystery, and all my heart wants to do is explore her hidden treasure.

2018/12/112018/12/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Did you know Arkansas has the most romantic place in the world, and that it’s portable? It’s true! It’s me, every time I’m in the state, which will soon be a 24/7 thing.

2018/07/282018/07/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Romance is anywhere you find it. Most people must find it tiring, which is why they sleepwalk through life.

2018/07/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Today I walked by a homeless man who was wearing rags—and he offered to buy me lunch. I declined, because I hate going out to eat with a person who’s better dressed than me.

2018/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
  • The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.
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