Some people sleepwalk, but I sleeprun. The other night I breezed through a whole marathon. Good thing I was wearing my Nike Air Zoom Alphafly Next%s, because I was able to cover the distance in record time—without waking up my cat, who was curled up next to me the whole slumber.

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I guess my subconscious was telling me that it’s attracted to a cactus with legs. This is all meme and no remember, because I can’t recall the cactus having a face or how it walked, but all the women I’ve loved all turn out to be cacti, and if she has thorns, I want a rose.

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