Not only do I sell Cheeseburger Milkshakes, but I also sell oven mitts shaped like boxing gloves, so you can more stylishly fight forest fires. You just might wish you had a pair the next time a forest fire comes knocking on your door, after avoiding trees and shrubs and grass.

2019/02/172019/02/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Paris may be The City of Love, but The Ozarks are The Place of Romance. And you know this because that’s where I live.

2018/12/042018/12/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I know someone who died of a broken heart. At least that’s what I hope the autopsy report shows, because I don’t have an alibi for that person’s last moment on earth.

2018/12/032018/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is pure like the breeze in The Ozarks, and though I can’t see it, I can feel it, and that fires up all my other senses and torches my soul with desire.

2018/11/302018/11/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Thanks to global warming, forest fires are more conscientious and considerate than ever, and they’re even so polite that they’ll burn down just the houses, but leave the lawns and trees and even whole forests in tact and untouched. Now that’s caring.

2018/09/082018/09/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A fire may start with a spark, but the fire holds all the glory and provides all the warmth. Women love firemen. Nobody is attracted to sparklers.

2018/07/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I dance like #FakeNews is healthy, and right now I’m offering lessons at CNN prices. If you sign up as a Lifetime Member, I’ll probably even give you a heart attack, and I call that kind of bulk deal The McDonald’s Special.

2018/07/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am The Cat Whisperer. Librarians love me, as cats and whispering are their two favorite things. Right now I’m renting both for the price of one.

2018/04/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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With a slice of American life, plus another slice of American life, with some empty political promises in between, I can make an Economic Decay Sandwich.

2018/04/022018/04/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m a very serious person. You can tell because I make futuristic suggestions like, “Instead of gasoline, cars should be fueled by dancing.” In that future, if you want to slow your car down, you’d just turn down the volume knob on your stereo.

2017/12/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: fire

Not only do I sell Cheeseburger Milkshakes, but I also sell oven mitts shaped like boxing gloves, so you can more stylishly fight forest fires. You just might wish you had a pair the next time a forest fire comes knocking on your door, after avoiding trees and shrubs and grass.

Like this:

Paris may be The City of Love, but The Ozarks are The Place of Romance. And you know this because that’s where I live.

Like this:

I know someone who died of a broken heart. At least that’s what I hope the autopsy report shows, because I don’t have an alibi for that person’s last moment on earth.

Like this:

Our love is pure like the breeze in The Ozarks, and though I can’t see it, I can feel it, and that fires up all my other senses and torches my soul with desire.

Like this:

Thanks to global warming, forest fires are more conscientious and considerate than ever, and they’re even so polite that they’ll burn down just the houses, but leave the lawns and trees and even whole forests in tact and untouched. Now that’s caring.

Like this:

A fire may start with a spark, but the fire holds all the glory and provides all the warmth. Women love firemen. Nobody is attracted to sparklers.

Like this:

I dance like #FakeNews is healthy, and right now I’m offering lessons at CNN prices. If you sign up as a Lifetime Member, I’ll probably even give you a heart attack, and I call that kind of bulk deal The McDonald’s Special.

Like this:

I am The Cat Whisperer. Librarians love me, as cats and whispering are their two favorite things. Right now I’m renting both for the price of one.

Like this:

With a slice of American life, plus another slice of American life, with some empty political promises in between, I can make an Economic Decay Sandwich.

Like this:

I’m a very serious person. You can tell because I make futuristic suggestions like, “Instead of gasoline, cars should be fueled by dancing.” In that future, if you want to slow your car down, you’d just turn down the volume knob on your stereo.

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