I have a doppelgänger who fought in The American Civil War in the 1860s, so people always assume I’m 200 years old. They ask me, “What’s the secret to long life?” Simple: Accept FREE food, but try not to get turned into Duck Soup once you’ve been fattened up.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Let an array of colors scent your essence, and may you flourish like flowers. When the winds of adversity batter you, may your reaction bring freshness to the breeze.

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A firefly is flying fire, but is a butterfly flying butter? It should be called a flutterfly.

2020/02/152020/02/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I play the trumpet like my cheeks are on fire, which is why I don’t play the trumpet. And I would make flame-scented soap, but I think shower water would extinguish its essence.

2020/01/242020/01/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I used to want to be a fire fighter, so I custom made my equipment. I mixed oven mitts with boxing gloves, because how else are you supposed to fight a fire? I got choked out in my first match, because my wrestling was weak in comparison to the flames.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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This happened to me once. It might have happened twice, but after we ate our shoes we were all still hungry, so I was forced to devour my co-explorers, who would not stop complaining during dinner.

2019/12/112019/12/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Seeing you gives me an internal sunburn, because my heart burns hot for you like the incinerating sky luminary that makes the seasons. My corazon only makes love, but it can also be used to measure time.

2019/11/262019/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People tell me I dance like my legs are on fire, and I let them, because they paid me $19.95 to learn how to rhythmically move like Armageddon. Also, none of the flames were injured in the making of this video.

2019/11/182019/11/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If your eyeballs are on fire, you might try putting on sunglasses so you don’t blind me while I talk to you. Come on, be considerate while carrying on a conversation.

2019/10/102019/10/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Before a fire enters a house, it never asks itself, “Is the front door locked? Should I first knock?” And because it’s so rude, that’s why I never invite it to barbeques.

2019/08/062019/08/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: fire

I have a doppelgänger who fought in The American Civil War in the 1860s, so people always assume I’m 200 years old. They ask me, “What’s the secret to long life?” Simple: Accept FREE food, but try not to get turned into Duck Soup once you’ve been fattened up.

Like this:

Let an array of colors scent your essence, and may you flourish like flowers. When the winds of adversity batter you, may your reaction bring freshness to the breeze.

Like this:

A firefly is flying fire, but is a butterfly flying butter? It should be called a flutterfly.

Like this:

I play the trumpet like my cheeks are on fire, which is why I don’t play the trumpet. And I would make flame-scented soap, but I think shower water would extinguish its essence.

Like this:

I used to want to be a fire fighter, so I custom made my equipment. I mixed oven mitts with boxing gloves, because how else are you supposed to fight a fire? I got choked out in my first match, because my wrestling was weak in comparison to the flames.

Like this:

This happened to me once. It might have happened twice, but after we ate our shoes we were all still hungry, so I was forced to devour my co-explorers, who would not stop complaining during dinner.

Like this:

Seeing you gives me an internal sunburn, because my heart burns hot for you like the incinerating sky luminary that makes the seasons. My corazon only makes love, but it can also be used to measure time.

Like this:

People tell me I dance like my legs are on fire, and I let them, because they paid me $19.95 to learn how to rhythmically move like Armageddon. Also, none of the flames were injured in the making of this video.

Like this:

If your eyeballs are on fire, you might try putting on sunglasses so you don’t blind me while I talk to you. Come on, be considerate while carrying on a conversation.

Like this:

Before a fire enters a house, it never asks itself, “Is the front door locked? Should I first knock?” And because it’s so rude, that’s why I never invite it to barbeques.

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