My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I once lost a debate. It only took me two black eyes and a bloody nose to realize the other guy’s argument was more powerful.

2020/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

At The Branson Craft Mall, the cover band was instrumental in getting me to hum along during dinner. The lead singer reminded me of myself—if I were a woman, attractive, and were actually musical.

2020/08/232020/08/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I can’t tell a politician to go fuck himself without a Conservative saying that’s offensive language that has no place in civilized society. Oh, so profanity is beyond the moral limit, but fraudulent war and unborn baby murder is cool?

2020/08/192020/08/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It won’t matter if there’s a toilet paper shortage when there’s a food shortage, because you won’t give a shit.

2020/05/032020/05/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I used to want to be a fire fighter, so I custom made my equipment. I mixed oven mitts with boxing gloves, because how else are you supposed to fight a fire? I got choked out in my first match, because my wrestling was weak in comparison to the flames.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Self-storage is good, but self-actualization is better. How can you work on improving your personal life if your heart is cluttered? Why not store all that junk in my attic for ONLY $19.95 a month?

2019/09/302019/09/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

2019/06/022019/06/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Not only do I sell Cheeseburger Milkshakes, but I also sell oven mitts shaped like boxing gloves, so you can more stylishly fight forest fires. You just might wish you had a pair the next time a forest fire comes knocking on your door, after avoiding trees and shrubs and grass.

2019/02/172019/02/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I regret to inform you that I have just SOLD OUT of grandmothers, but in stock I do have Talking Raisins In A Box. They’re not quite as grumpy, but they are just as wrinkly.

2019/01/282019/01/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: fight

My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!

Like this:

I once lost a debate. It only took me two black eyes and a bloody nose to realize the other guy’s argument was more powerful.

Like this:

At The Branson Craft Mall, the cover band was instrumental in getting me to hum along during dinner. The lead singer reminded me of myself—if I were a woman, attractive, and were actually musical.

Like this:

I can’t tell a politician to go fuck himself without a Conservative saying that’s offensive language that has no place in civilized society. Oh, so profanity is beyond the moral limit, but fraudulent war and unborn baby murder is cool?

Like this:

It won’t matter if there’s a toilet paper shortage when there’s a food shortage, because you won’t give a shit.

Like this:

I used to want to be a fire fighter, so I custom made my equipment. I mixed oven mitts with boxing gloves, because how else are you supposed to fight a fire? I got choked out in my first match, because my wrestling was weak in comparison to the flames.

Like this:

Self-storage is good, but self-actualization is better. How can you work on improving your personal life if your heart is cluttered? Why not store all that junk in my attic for ONLY $19.95 a month?

Like this:

I was once walking in a field of sunflowers in Kansas, when suddenly one of them roared at me like a lion, and it wasn’t until the next moment that I realized that I run like an antelope when I’m feeling particularly brave.

Like this:

Not only do I sell Cheeseburger Milkshakes, but I also sell oven mitts shaped like boxing gloves, so you can more stylishly fight forest fires. You just might wish you had a pair the next time a forest fire comes knocking on your door, after avoiding trees and shrubs and grass.

Like this:

I regret to inform you that I have just SOLD OUT of grandmothers, but in stock I do have Talking Raisins In A Box. They’re not quite as grumpy, but they are just as wrinkly.

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