When a mass of people gather to watch two people fight, the best seat in the house is behind the counter that displays the candy and popcorn FOR SALE. Show your “I VOTED” sticker to receive a 50% discount on a half-sized bag.
Are lollipops suckers? Are Trump VOTERS lollipops? Yes and yes!
My advice to you is if you feel like you’re losing, give yourself a pep talk. Be your own coach. How do you do that? For ONLY $19.95, I can coach you to be your own coach. Lessons even come with a FREE trophy!
I once lost a debate. It only took me two black eyes and a bloody nose to realize the other guy’s argument was more powerful.
At The Branson Craft Mall, the cover band was instrumental in getting me to hum along during dinner. The lead singer reminded me of myself—if I were a woman, attractive, and were actually musical.
I can’t tell a politician to go fuck himself without a Conservative saying that’s offensive language that has no place in civilized society. Oh, so profanity is beyond the moral limit, but fraudulent war and unborn baby murder is cool?
It won’t matter if there’s a toilet paper shortage when there’s a food shortage, because you won’t give a shit.
I used to want to be a fire fighter, so I custom made my equipment. I mixed oven mitts with boxing gloves, because how else are you supposed to fight a fire? I got choked out in my first match, because my wrestling was weak in comparison to the flames.
Self-storage is good, but self-actualization is better. How can you work on improving your personal life if your heart is cluttered? Why not store all that junk in my attic for ONLY $19.95 a month?