Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?

2021/01/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

During a famine, the farmer is wealthier than the money hoarder. Why? Because you can’t eat gold. Well, not unless you first convert it to Mfzt, monoatomic gold, but then how do you know the white powder you’re eating isn’t cocaine?

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

People always say to me, “Jarod, do you wear a cloud for a wig?” The answer is no, my hair is naturally hovering water vapor, and if your farm is in a drought, you can pay me to come stand in your field and water your crops with my stormy mane.

2020/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Have you ever been in love with someone who just wasn’t there for you? My last girlfriend was invisible and inaudible, and the emotional torment made me feel like Helen Keller. I sell the whole experience, but hurry, parking is limited.

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

A cloud with a stick affixed would make the ultimate umbrella. It’s the kind of thing I’d love to sell to midwestern farmers visiting Branson, tourists eager to spend all their government subsidy money.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Microwavable Frozen Juice is The Drink of The Future! Trust me, I’ve been there. Either that or my watch is just five minutes fast. Either way, my 32-degree drink is ON SALE for just the next 300 seconds. Get it BEFORE the past catches up to this HOT new beverage!

2019/02/182019/02/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Agriculture is hard, and trees grow up so fast these days—most of them growing up without a father. That’s why I chose to #Startup a Meme Farm. Now I can press fresh Dankness, and sell it in Juice Format as a Coffee Alternative used in waking up The People.

2018/08/302018/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am a Farmer of Romance, and I am trying to grow in love. Of all the things to grow, in love is the most profitable.

2018/07/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sometimes I see heart shapes in clouds. Am I delusional, or am I in love? I would say I have to be the first to be the second, and I would also say most definitely yes.

2018/04/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: farmer

Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?

Like this:

During a famine, the farmer is wealthier than the money hoarder. Why? Because you can’t eat gold. Well, not unless you first convert it to Mfzt, monoatomic gold, but then how do you know the white powder you’re eating isn’t cocaine?

Like this:

Have you ever been in love with someone who just wasn’t there for you? My last girlfriend was invisible and inaudible, and the emotional torment made me feel like Helen Keller. I sell the whole experience, but hurry, parking is limited.

Like this:

Microwavable Frozen Juice is The Drink of The Future! Trust me, I’ve been there. Either that or my watch is just five minutes fast. Either way, my 32-degree drink is ON SALE for just the next 300 seconds. Get it BEFORE the past catches up to this HOT new beverage!

Like this:

Agriculture is hard, and trees grow up so fast these days—most of them growing up without a father. That’s why I chose to #Startup a Meme Farm. Now I can press fresh Dankness, and sell it in Juice Format as a Coffee Alternative used in waking up The People.

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