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Tag: farmer

Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?

2021/01/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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During a famine, the farmer is wealthier than the money hoarder. Why? Because you can’t eat gold. Well, not unless you first convert it to Mfzt, monoatomic gold, but then how do you know the white powder you’re eating isn’t cocaine?

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People always say to me, “Jarod, do you wear a cloud for a wig?” The answer is no, my hair is naturally hovering water vapor, and if your farm is in a drought, you can pay me to come stand in your field and water your crops with my stormy mane.

2020/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Have you ever been in love with someone who just wasn’t there for you? My last girlfriend was invisible and inaudible, and the emotional torment made me feel like Helen Keller. I sell the whole experience, but hurry, parking is limited.

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A cloud with a stick affixed would make the ultimate umbrella. It’s the kind of thing I’d love to sell to midwestern farmers visiting Branson, tourists eager to spend all their government subsidy money.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Microwavable Frozen Juice is The Drink of The Future! Trust me, I’ve been there. Either that or my watch is just five minutes fast. Either way, my 32-degree drink is ON SALE for just the next 300 seconds. Get it BEFORE the past catches up to this HOT new beverage!

2019/02/182019/02/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Agriculture is hard, and trees grow up so fast these days—most of them growing up without a father. That’s why I chose to #Startup a Meme Farm. Now I can press fresh Dankness, and sell it in Juice Format as a Coffee Alternative used in waking up The People.

2018/08/302018/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am a Farmer of Romance, and I am trying to grow in love. Of all the things to grow, in love is the most profitable.

2018/07/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sometimes I see heart shapes in clouds. Am I delusional, or am I in love? I would say I have to be the first to be the second, and I would also say most definitely yes.

2018/04/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
  • The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.
  • It’s like my good friend Elon Musk said, “If you don’t shop at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, you’ll wish you were born as a hologram, because I’m going to Mars to be with other beings of light, so go buy a Tesla and starve.”
  • BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm now offers FREE refills on T-shirts. Buy one shirt, and fill it as many times as you’d like.
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