BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm will be getting a Mouser Cat tomorrow. I posted a No Trespassing sign, but the field mice just refused to keep out of Quackster Castle. So, tomorrow they will meet a mighty hunter of their nightmares.

2021/02/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My cousin doesn’t know my name, so he calls me Marie The 13th. I told him, “Please, call me Mr. The 13th. Marie is my father’s name.” Family reunions are always awkward because nobody there is related to me. Still, I give them all discounts on BearPaw Duck Farm omelets.

2020/12/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Branson offers competitive wages. Its most comparable competitor is a city in China—the place where they have all those slave-labor factories making cheap Walmart products.

2020/08/192020/08/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m now selling Duck-Soup Popsicles in vintage meatloaf colors. The flavor of 1991 has never looked so good while camping. Just ask Bigfoot.

2020/05/012020/05/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Fish-scented toothpaste that tastes like birds would be a SwimFly experience best sold in squeeze tubes. And if it had an afterflavor of Leftover Meatloaf, then it might have the essence of every Family Reunion I’ve never attended.

2019/10/022019/10/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Andrew never says anything stupid, because Andrew never says anything at all. I don’t know if he’s a mute, or just incredibly wise.

2019/04/162019/04/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I met a nice girl at my father’s funeral, and I’d like to say, Hello, grandma!

2019/04/092019/04/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why would I give my money to a business that values developing a relationship with me, like a Mom and Pop Shop, when I could give it to Walmart, who only looks at me as a future FEMA Camp prisoner? Seems like a good idea to let Walmart continue to strangle my local economy.

2019/04/042019/04/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.

2019/03/182019/03/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: family

BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm will be getting a Mouser Cat tomorrow. I posted a No Trespassing sign, but the field mice just refused to keep out of Quackster Castle. So, tomorrow they will meet a mighty hunter of their nightmares.

Like this:

My cousin doesn’t know my name, so he calls me Marie The 13th. I told him, “Please, call me Mr. The 13th. Marie is my father’s name.” Family reunions are always awkward because nobody there is related to me. Still, I give them all discounts on BearPaw Duck Farm omelets.

Like this:

Branson offers competitive wages. Its most comparable competitor is a city in China—the place where they have all those slave-labor factories making cheap Walmart products.

Like this:

I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

Like this:

I’m now selling Duck-Soup Popsicles in vintage meatloaf colors. The flavor of 1991 has never looked so good while camping. Just ask Bigfoot.

Like this:

Fish-scented toothpaste that tastes like birds would be a SwimFly experience best sold in squeeze tubes. And if it had an afterflavor of Leftover Meatloaf, then it might have the essence of every Family Reunion I’ve never attended.

Like this:

Andrew never says anything stupid, because Andrew never says anything at all. I don’t know if he’s a mute, or just incredibly wise.

Like this:

I met a nice girl at my father’s funeral, and I’d like to say, Hello, grandma!

Like this:

Why would I give my money to a business that values developing a relationship with me, like a Mom and Pop Shop, when I could give it to Walmart, who only looks at me as a future FEMA Camp prisoner? Seems like a good idea to let Walmart continue to strangle my local economy.

Like this:

I dance like I play the piano, and by that I mean when you watch my feet move you’d think I have 88 fingers. If you want to be a better lover, there’s a book for that, and I wrote it. You can read it, for ONLY $19.95.

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