If you act now, my Dance Lessons are ON SALE. When you buy them you get FREE refills for life. (There is a slight upcharge for ice.)

In this economic collapse, if there is a job opening, 1,000 people apply to it—and it eventually goes to a robot. A kiosk stole my career.

But is my resentment towards @McDonalds growing? No, because I’m growing out a mullet and making a positive change in my personal image.

Maybe you aren’t as fashionable as me, or don’t want the 24/7 #LustFactor that comes with a mullet. Well, have you considered a #FakeMullet?

Wearing a headband with a fake mullet attached just might be the edge you need to separate yourself form your peers during your next job interview.

And then if you’re ready to bring romance back into your life, you can sign up for my Move To Music Like A Wet Puddle Dance Class.

Oh yes, I dance like a wet puddle, because what other kind of puddles are there? Certainly not a dry one. Duh! Don’t be absurd and sign up today!

But in the meantime, buy this AWESOME #FakeMullet:

Tap here to see this AMAZING #FakeMullet on Amazon.

Like talking to Edison about light bulbs, this book will illuminate

After reading Crisis Investing, I realize the value of commodities. Not being able to afford gold or silver, I bought the next best thing: silverware. If I ever open up a soup kitchen I’ll have plenty of forks to go around.

But seriously, how should one invest?

The road to hell isn’t paved with gold, it’s paved with faith. Faith in a dollar that’s backed by a belief that people have faith in other people’s belief in it.

The Bernank might not be able to grow our economy, but he can sure grow a heck of a beard.

I agree with Casey that the US economy is overregulated. Consequently, the market has more distortions than a house of mirrors, and its body image should be suffering for it. America is morbidly obese, yet she dresses in skin-tight hot pants as though she were Twiggy at 20.

If you want to know what to invest in and why, not specifics, but more the fundamentals, then this book is definitely for you.

Cryptozoology meets conspiracy theory in a secret 1913 meeting

When I first bought The Creature from Jekyll Island, I thought it was going to be a cynical book that would attempt to debunk the “myth” of Bigfoot.

But it isn’t about that at all!

This is a true account detailing how the sasquatch of our society, the Federal Reserve, has taken us from being a nation of men to a nation of apes. No, worse, since at least apes are free.

Whoever holds our debt holds the chains that shackle us into slavery. If only Abe Lincoln were around today, I’ll bet the first thing he’d say is, “Wow! I’m 202 years old!”

And then he’d probably say, “America has become a nation of animals, confined to invisible cages of debt. America sold her soul to the devil, and then pawned her body off too.”

And I for one would agree with that. Well, almost. I don’t think I could pick up a hooker at a pawnshop. But just to be sure, I’m going to save up some money and find out for myself.

You are not your bank account. You are not a nothing.

But it’s true. According to Zero Hedge,

“nearly half the country would be unable “to cover an unexpected $400 expense”, and about two-thirds of the population lives paycheck to paycheck at least part of the time.”

But this economic apocalypse isn’t about Trump. No, the blame falls squarely on the Federal Reserve, as since the central bank’s inception, our economy has only spiraled down, as our fiat currency swirls towards its intrinsic value of zero.

Nobody has any money, and nobody has a job. So why is nobody demanding answers from the institution responsible, the Federal Reserve?

Perhaps because nobody has a clue. They don’t even know that they don’t even know. All they know is they can’t find jobs.

Eight years into this “recovery,” and let’s see what The People have to say about their economic situation.

Nobody has any money and nobody can find a job, but please, #FakeNews Wall Street Journal, Forbes, and New York Times, tell us all again how Ben Bernanke and the central bank saved the world.

Sears has a future—but only if you are living in the past.

But what do current employees have to say about working there?

I think the last tweet about sums up the situation at Sears.

In a world of fake, real is where the money is

Ben Bernanke and Janet Yellen walk into a bar. They must be doing the Limbo, because that bar is set so incredibly low.

In a healthy economic recovery, a store closing means they’ll reopen the following morning. Under this sham recovery from 2009, it means closing forever.

According to Business Insider, Sears is secretly closing more stores than the incredibly large number they previously whispered. If mannequins could talk, they’d tell you to run.

But according to Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen, “The simple message is — the economy is doing well.”

As USA Today put it, “Eight years after the Great Recession ended, it’s finally starting to feel like a normal economy again.”

And by normal they mean if you have the vision and insight of a man with his head lodged deep in his own anus.

CNN offers this perspective, “Stores are closing at an epic pace. In fact, the retail industry could suffer far more store closures this year than ever.”

But real is too expensive. All they have to offer is #FakeNews and #FakeMoney.

ZeroHedge has dubbed this upcoming event the “Retail Apocalypse.”

They have documented this slow-motion train crash for months, and they recently said,

“As you know, the United States is rapidly descending into the ‘retail apocalypse’ with over 21 retailers closing 3591 stores in 2017.”

To avoid the inevitable death spiral that looms in our economy, and to secure safety, I’d recommend buying gold, silver, and Bitcoin.

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