People always ask me, “Jarod, why haven’t you won an NFL Championship by now?” My answer is the same. I reply, “I may not me Mozart, or I might be, who’s to say, but if you put me in an elevator, I’m going to make music that fills the space completely, like duck quacks in a can.”

2021/12/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Life seems meaningless and everyone is lonely. That’s why I recommend dancing by yourself.

2021/08/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

The funeral business is the only one with no repeat customers. Though you only die once, why not buy your own funeral from me twice? My Buy One Funeral, Get One FREE deal only applies the second time you purchase a custom Death Party.

2021/07/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You know those orange construction cones they put out on the highway when doing road work? I’d like to serve you ice cream in one of those cones, and I’d like for that ice cream to be duck-soup flavored.

2021/07/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

The difference between a karate chop and a handshake extension is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. The best way to cut through hot duck soup is with a canoe.

2021/06/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

The main ingredient in a baseball card is cardboard. That makes its taste indistinguishable from Pizza Hut’s crust.

2021/05/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I make BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm’s World Famous SwimmingBird Soup out of four ingredients: Duckling, water, swimming, and Liquified Michael Phelps Motivational Quotes. It’s the last one that gives it that golden flavor.

2021/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I serve my soup in football helmets, and I season it with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. Every spoonful tastes like the first spoonful, because you won’t remember. But the recipe is rigged, and not organic. It’s a formula based on gematria.

2021/05/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

There are only two things in this world that make me cry: The heroism displayed by Congress on January 6th, 2021—and chopping up onions. It just so happens that BOTH are used in BearPaw Duck Farm’s NEW SwimmingBird Soup recipe.

2021/01/082021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You’ll taste the pow of black powder like a gunshot in your mouth. That’s the kind of explosive flavor provided by my powerful Duck Soup.

2021/01/072021/01/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: duck soup

People always ask me, “Jarod, why haven’t you won an NFL Championship by now?” My answer is the same. I reply, “I may not me Mozart, or I might be, who’s to say, but if you put me in an elevator, I’m going to make music that fills the space completely, like duck quacks in a can.”

Like this:

Life seems meaningless and everyone is lonely. That’s why I recommend dancing by yourself.

Like this:

The funeral business is the only one with no repeat customers. Though you only die once, why not buy your own funeral from me twice? My Buy One Funeral, Get One FREE deal only applies the second time you purchase a custom Death Party.

Like this:

You know those orange construction cones they put out on the highway when doing road work? I’d like to serve you ice cream in one of those cones, and I’d like for that ice cream to be duck-soup flavored.

Like this:

The difference between a karate chop and a handshake extension is the same as the difference between a knife and a paddle. The best way to cut through hot duck soup is with a canoe.

Like this:

The main ingredient in a baseball card is cardboard. That makes its taste indistinguishable from Pizza Hut’s crust.

Like this:

I make BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm’s World Famous SwimmingBird Soup out of four ingredients: Duckling, water, swimming, and Liquified Michael Phelps Motivational Quotes. It’s the last one that gives it that golden flavor.

Like this:

I serve my soup in football helmets, and I season it with Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. Every spoonful tastes like the first spoonful, because you won’t remember. But the recipe is rigged, and not organic. It’s a formula based on gematria.

Like this:

There are only two things in this world that make me cry: The heroism displayed by Congress on January 6th, 2021—and chopping up onions. It just so happens that BOTH are used in BearPaw Duck Farm’s NEW SwimmingBird Soup recipe.

Like this:

You’ll taste the pow of black powder like a gunshot in your mouth. That’s the kind of explosive flavor provided by my powerful Duck Soup.

Like this:

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