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Tag: drive

No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.

2021/01/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Who would you rather buy your Duck Soup from, me or some other guy? OK fine, but what if that other guy is SOLD OUT? Then what? What do you mean you’ll just go to Popeyes for a Spicy Chicken Sandwich?!

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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There are no Speed Limit signs on your road to success. The revenue collectors are irrelevant and should be avoided at all cost.

2020/02/042020/02/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Some people can take long naps. I’m one of them. That’s why I’m Nap Champion of The World. In fact, I was asleep for the first 20 years of my life. I credit The Iron Triangle for waking me up.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A cloud with a stick affixed would make the ultimate umbrella. It’s the kind of thing I’d love to sell to midwestern farmers visiting Branson, tourists eager to spend all their government subsidy money.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My heart is shaped like a strawberry, and when it’s full of your lemonade-flavored love it’s probably something that Branson tourists would pay $19.95 to sip on in the hot summer. I’m hoping you’ll supply me with FREE refills.

2019/02/132019/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make love like I make art. At least, that’s my impression while I’m making it.

2017/12/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Dr. Gibsmedat is right. Where’s my fake money?!
  • Eating at Outback in Branson is always a good time. But you’d better plan ahead, because that time is seventeen hours in the future.
  • The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
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