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Tag: drink

Gravy is my favorite sports drink. Try chugging it the next time you run so far your legs feel like mashed potatoes.

2020/09/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’d recommend waiting an hour after eating and drinking before going swimming—unless you’re combining eating and drinking by enjoying a beer made by BearPaw Duck Farm. FREE refills after 11:59 PM and before midnight.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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How can I convey how much conveyor belts in factories are needed when a town’s only industry is tourism? If you want to make progress, you have to actually make something.

2020/03/032020/03/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Who hasn’t been there before, am I right? And since you have been there, can you give me the address? I’ve always wanted to cuddle with a pink cat.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What better way to stir things up a bit than with Caeleb Dressel’s winning freestyle form? Drink in what he’s able to do in the pool, because it’s like coffee that never goes cold.

2019/11/082019/11/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My heart pours forth, and if you pour a fifth, we can both drink and be merry.

2019/09/072019/09/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I could go to Starbucks, but why buy what homeless people excrete on the streets of San Francisco for FREE?

2019/03/162019/03/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Microwavable Frozen Juice is The Drink of The Future! Trust me, I’ve been there. Either that or my watch is just five minutes fast. Either way, my 32-degree drink is ON SALE for just the next 300 seconds. Get it BEFORE the past catches up to this HOT new beverage!

2019/02/182019/02/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Since CNN provides #FakeNews 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, I like to think of it as Kool-Aid with FREE refills.

2018/09/292018/09/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once gave a stirring speech about how to best mix Kool-Aid powder with water. For best results, add a little Truth in with your Propaganda, so The People will swallow it more readily.

2018/08/022018/08/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
  • Dance critics all over the world have called my body moves, “Sculpturesque,” “As full of motion as a Rodin statue,” and “Like watching Helen Keller eat Jell-O with her elbows.” My dancing is so still and silent that it belongs on a shelf in a library, next to other great literature.
  • No matter where you drive in this country, you end up in Clown World. That’s why I make my car go honk, honk.
  • Bill Gates is now the largest farmland owner in America. Why? Does the same “man” who wants to kill you also want to sell you healthy food?
  • Here at BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm, I’ve sold more T-shirts than I have eggs. That’s because I’ve sold ONE T-shirt. I know, because I bought it myself. I guess I am a pretty savvy businessman.
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