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Tag: drink

Gravy is my favorite sports drink. Try chugging it the next time you run so far your legs feel like mashed potatoes.

2020/09/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’d recommend waiting an hour after eating and drinking before going swimming—unless you’re combining eating and drinking by enjoying a beer made by BearPaw Duck Farm. FREE refills after 11:59 PM and before midnight.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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How can I convey how much conveyor belts in factories are needed when a town’s only industry is tourism? If you want to make progress, you have to actually make something.

2020/03/032020/03/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Who hasn’t been there before, am I right? And since you have been there, can you give me the address? I’ve always wanted to cuddle with a pink cat.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What better way to stir things up a bit than with Caeleb Dressel’s winning freestyle form? Drink in what he’s able to do in the pool, because it’s like coffee that never goes cold.

2019/11/082019/11/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My heart pours forth, and if you pour a fifth, we can both drink and be merry.

2019/09/072019/09/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I could go to Starbucks, but why buy what homeless people excrete on the streets of San Francisco for FREE?

2019/03/162019/03/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Microwavable Frozen Juice is The Drink of The Future! Trust me, I’ve been there. Either that or my watch is just five minutes fast. Either way, my 32-degree drink is ON SALE for just the next 300 seconds. Get it BEFORE the past catches up to this HOT new beverage!

2019/02/182019/02/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Since CNN provides #FakeNews 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, I like to think of it as Kool-Aid with FREE refills.

2018/09/292018/09/29 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once gave a stirring speech about how to best mix Kool-Aid powder with water. For best results, add a little Truth in with your Propaganda, so The People will swallow it more readily.

2018/08/022018/08/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • I have the rarest of all sportsball cards. I have a one-of-one misprint. It’s supposed to be John Gochnaur, but the picture and name say Babe Ruth, whoever that is. It’s also autographed Tom Brady, and you know it’s authentic because I signed it myself. Now FOR SALE in Dogecoin.
  • Even if I had both my knees replaced with two Rubik’s cubes, I’d still make coffee runs to Neighbor’s Mill. The only puzzle to me is how anybody would ever choose a donut from Dunkin’ over one from Dad’s.
  • Your eyes have to be glazed over with stupidity to think that one FREE glazed donut per day from Krispy Kreme is some kind of valuable reward for letting yourself be injected with fluid that makes viper poison look wholesome.
  • At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we believe the only thing that separates meatloaf from birthday cake is candles. Since they both have the same great flavor, why don’t you buy a slab for your next celebration?
  • As a farmer of waterfalls here in Harrison, Arkansas, I get to raise air-flowing bodies of aqua. Though this one is just a baby, with the right diet, it may grow up to be the next Niagara.
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