I once made a muffin, but that was years ago. I suppose it’s about time to discount it and put it ON SALE. I would do a Buy One, Get One FREE, but I only made one. So I suppose I’ll offer it at Buy Half, Get Half FREE! (Limit one half per one whole customer.)

2019/02/132019/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-31

The point of modeling is to increase the visibility of the clothing being showcased, so why hire beautiful people who only distract from the product? Why not hire me at 50% the cost, and a 100% increase in transparency?

2019/01/202019/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you buy enough fries from me, you can become your own bicycle ramp, and then you can actively become part of another person’s dream. Ask me about Bulk Discounts.

2019/01/082019/01/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-11

My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.

2018/10/052018/10/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy1

You are what you consume, and I guess that makes me an all-you-can-eat buffet. Come to my funeral for discounted prices on ALL remaining body parts.

2018/08/242018/08/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy29

No matter how awful your product or service, you can’t make a sale if you don’t advertise. It doesn’t matter what you want, I’ve got something other than that, and I’ve got it FOR SALE. Please direct all complaints to Dr. Obambulator.

2018/06/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy15

My incredible noose prices aren’t going to last forever. The sale ends when grandma discovers I’ve stolen all her rope.

2018/01/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy11

Spectators tell me I dance like a flying fish, and it’s true, I am #TheMichaelPhelpsOfBodyAviation, and right now my dancing lessons are ON SALE at defective parachute prices.

2017/12/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy23

Tag: discount

I once made a muffin, but that was years ago. I suppose it’s about time to discount it and put it ON SALE. I would do a Buy One, Get One FREE, but I only made one. So I suppose I’ll offer it at Buy Half, Get Half FREE! (Limit one half per one whole customer.)

Like this:

The point of modeling is to increase the visibility of the clothing being showcased, so why hire beautiful people who only distract from the product? Why not hire me at 50% the cost, and a 100% increase in transparency?

Like this:

If you buy enough fries from me, you can become your own bicycle ramp, and then you can actively become part of another person’s dream. Ask me about Bulk Discounts.

Like this:

My Waterfall Lollipops are 100% REAL fake, just like CNN is 100% FAKE real. The fish-piss taste in my Waterfall Lollipops lasts 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, with intermittent Brita-Water-Filter-Commercial-Break-Flavored freshness.

Like this:

You are what you consume, and I guess that makes me an all-you-can-eat buffet. Come to my funeral for discounted prices on ALL remaining body parts.

Like this:

No matter how awful your product or service, you can’t make a sale if you don’t advertise. It doesn’t matter what you want, I’ve got something other than that, and I’ve got it FOR SALE. Please direct all complaints to Dr. Obambulator.

Like this:

My incredible noose prices aren’t going to last forever. The sale ends when grandma discovers I’ve stolen all her rope.

Like this:

Spectators tell me I dance like a flying fish, and it’s true, I am #TheMichaelPhelpsOfBodyAviation, and right now my dancing lessons are ON SALE at defective parachute prices.

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