Just hang up the landline phone, Branson. 1991 died in 1992, though it took a few years for most people to realize it was never coming back.

2019/12/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I don’t know who you’d rather watch perform in Branson, the 1950s cover band at the theater, or the homeless guy with the guitar on the street corner, but either way I’ve got ear plugs in your size FOR SALE.

2019/12/102019/12/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Why plan for a doomsday disaster when you could just drink beer and watch football? Funeral home directors everywhere thank you for your inaction.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I only call my new cologne Insecticide, and it only smells like bug killer, but it is in fact no more deadly than voting. (Try it on pancakes!)

2019/09/132019/09/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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We’re all trying to save something. You’re trying to save Mother Earth from certain death, and I’m trying to save money. Your BOLD action can solve both goals. It’s never been more affordable to be a hero.

2019/08/132019/08/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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It just so happens that my birthday is on a national holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

2019/08/052019/08/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The brain is in the body, and memories are in the brain. Are my memories therefore not physical extensions of me, and able to be frozen for all of eternity, so that someone in the future can dethaw them and laugh at all the jokes I once enjoyed?

2019/07/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Funerals are so expensive these days that if I should die, don’t buy me a coffin, just bury me in a Tupperware Container and leave me in the back of the fridge with the Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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There is no sliding scale for Truth, no gradient full of grays from black to white. Truth either is or it isn’t, it’s either alive or dead, and it never exists in a zombie-like state.

2019/04/132019/04/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: death

Just hang up the landline phone, Branson. 1991 died in 1992, though it took a few years for most people to realize it was never coming back.

Like this:

I don’t know who you’d rather watch perform in Branson, the 1950s cover band at the theater, or the homeless guy with the guitar on the street corner, but either way I’ve got ear plugs in your size FOR SALE.

Like this:

Why plan for a doomsday disaster when you could just drink beer and watch football? Funeral home directors everywhere thank you for your inaction.

Like this:

I only call my new cologne Insecticide, and it only smells like bug killer, but it is in fact no more deadly than voting. (Try it on pancakes!)

Like this:

Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

Like this:

We’re all trying to save something. You’re trying to save Mother Earth from certain death, and I’m trying to save money. Your BOLD action can solve both goals. It’s never been more affordable to be a hero.

Like this:

It just so happens that my birthday is on a national holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

Like this:

The brain is in the body, and memories are in the brain. Are my memories therefore not physical extensions of me, and able to be frozen for all of eternity, so that someone in the future can dethaw them and laugh at all the jokes I once enjoyed?

Like this:

Funerals are so expensive these days that if I should die, don’t buy me a coffin, just bury me in a Tupperware Container and leave me in the back of the fridge with the Leftover Meatloaf.

Like this:

There is no sliding scale for Truth, no gradient full of grays from black to white. Truth either is or it isn’t, it’s either alive or dead, and it never exists in a zombie-like state.

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