Here today, gone tomorrow—is that a reference to the value of a fiat currency like the dollar? Buy things that buy things, and don’t save things that don’t buy things.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My boot-flavored lollipops are now available in size 15, for that depth of texture statists love. Discounts available for VOTERS.

2020/06/232020/06/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When you act NOW, you also receive a FREE copy of my newest book: “How to put out riot fires with your naked body.” The book itself is burnable, and should altogether be banned by The Government.

2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I’m a man of faith, I believe. And it’s that very belief that gives me my faith. For me the two are one, like my sale on Frozen Duck Soup Popsicles: Buy Two For The Price Of One! (Offer not valid for residents of Alaska.)

2020/05/232020/05/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As an amateur Air Machine Architect, I design contraptions meant to take man from Point A to Point Z without touching points B through Y. My first Air Machine was modeled off the aerodynamic bodies of ducks, which is why it required water to operate and left poop everywhere.

2020/05/232020/05/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Covering motion stairs with fur does not make a Pet Escalator. Ask me how to convert your retirement nest egg into one giant omelet.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Ask me about my Tuesday Special. Or don’t, because I’ll just tell you. My SALE runs from Wednesday to Monday, which makes Tuesday special because you pay FULL PRICE!

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Call TODAY to inquire about TOMORROW. The Future is NOW, and it’s ONLY $19.95 per serving!

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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This deal has a natural time decay, so you must BUY NOW. Operators are standing by to take your call—and exactly one of them is for this specific SALE. But hurry, because I may have to use my phone, so act while the line is OPEN.

2020/05/092020/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: deal

Here today, gone tomorrow—is that a reference to the value of a fiat currency like the dollar? Buy things that buy things, and don’t save things that don’t buy things.

Like this:

I don’t know who this woman is, but she deserves a trophy for her ability to show off a trophy. It’s like a win-win, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to offer FOR SALE for ONLY $19.95.

Like this:

My boot-flavored lollipops are now available in size 15, for that depth of texture statists love. Discounts available for VOTERS.

Like this:

When you act NOW, you also receive a FREE copy of my newest book: “How to put out riot fires with your naked body.” The book itself is burnable, and should altogether be banned by The Government.

Like this:

I’m a man of faith, I believe. And it’s that very belief that gives me my faith. For me the two are one, like my sale on Frozen Duck Soup Popsicles: Buy Two For The Price Of One! (Offer not valid for residents of Alaska.)

Like this:

As an amateur Air Machine Architect, I design contraptions meant to take man from Point A to Point Z without touching points B through Y. My first Air Machine was modeled off the aerodynamic bodies of ducks, which is why it required water to operate and left poop everywhere.

Like this:

Covering motion stairs with fur does not make a Pet Escalator. Ask me how to convert your retirement nest egg into one giant omelet.

Like this:

Ask me about my Tuesday Special. Or don’t, because I’ll just tell you. My SALE runs from Wednesday to Monday, which makes Tuesday special because you pay FULL PRICE!

Like this:

Call TODAY to inquire about TOMORROW. The Future is NOW, and it’s ONLY $19.95 per serving!

Like this:

This deal has a natural time decay, so you must BUY NOW. Operators are standing by to take your call—and exactly one of them is for this specific SALE. But hurry, because I may have to use my phone, so act while the line is OPEN.

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