At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we recognize that low prices shit on quality. I’m talking about a nasty dump in a mop bucket kind of way, which is why we stay clean of gimmicky deals.

2021/07/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Do you often feel lethargic, like you have no energy? Next time, try charging your body through electrocution via lightning bolt. I now make and sell pointy metal hats that are designed to be worn in thunderstorms.

2021/06/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

You left too early last night. If only you’d have stayed another ten minutes, you’d have gotten to enjoy my dazzling saxophone solo. I’m sure my enraptured audience forgot that they were at a party and thought they were in an elevator.

2021/06/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Your eyes have to be glazed over with stupidity to think that one FREE glazed donut per day from Krispy Kreme is some kind of valuable reward for letting yourself be injected with fluid that makes viper poison look wholesome.

2021/03/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Consumers tell me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm has the longest wait times to reach a customer service representative.” I always reply, “The unsatisfactory products you have to purchase, but the lesson in patience you get for FREE.”

2020/12/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.

2020/12/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

My ducks are ON SALE at Buy Four, Get TWO prices. (Limit three per purchase.)

2020/12/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

The great philosopher Alfred Pennyworth gave us his penny’s worth of thoughts when he said, “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” That’s true, and other men just want to laugh and sell marshmallows on sticks. Buy 12, get the 13th FREE.

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

This is the deal of the century. Just not this century. Business was pretty good in the year 1234. My rates are competitive to that era.

2020/11/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When a mass of people gather to watch two people fight, the best seat in the house is behind the counter that displays the candy and popcorn FOR SALE. Show your “I VOTED” sticker to receive a 50% discount on a half-sized bag.

2020/11/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: deal

At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we recognize that low prices shit on quality. I’m talking about a nasty dump in a mop bucket kind of way, which is why we stay clean of gimmicky deals.

Like this:

Do you often feel lethargic, like you have no energy? Next time, try charging your body through electrocution via lightning bolt. I now make and sell pointy metal hats that are designed to be worn in thunderstorms.

Like this:

You left too early last night. If only you’d have stayed another ten minutes, you’d have gotten to enjoy my dazzling saxophone solo. I’m sure my enraptured audience forgot that they were at a party and thought they were in an elevator.

Like this:

Your eyes have to be glazed over with stupidity to think that one FREE glazed donut per day from Krispy Kreme is some kind of valuable reward for letting yourself be injected with fluid that makes viper poison look wholesome.

Like this:

Consumers tell me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm has the longest wait times to reach a customer service representative.” I always reply, “The unsatisfactory products you have to purchase, but the lesson in patience you get for FREE.”

Like this:

People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.

Like this:

My ducks are ON SALE at Buy Four, Get TWO prices. (Limit three per purchase.)

Like this:

The great philosopher Alfred Pennyworth gave us his penny’s worth of thoughts when he said, “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” That’s true, and other men just want to laugh and sell marshmallows on sticks. Buy 12, get the 13th FREE.

Like this:

This is the deal of the century. Just not this century. Business was pretty good in the year 1234. My rates are competitive to that era.

Like this:

When a mass of people gather to watch two people fight, the best seat in the house is behind the counter that displays the candy and popcorn FOR SALE. Show your “I VOTED” sticker to receive a 50% discount on a half-sized bag.

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