My only note for Branson’s Anthems of Rock is what I tell potential buyers at my Tupperware Parties: You can never have too much Meatloaf. It makes such perfect Leftovers that a whole show could be done from the classic love ballad that’s beloved by fans of all hearing ranges.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When it comes to sunglasses, I’m like Corey Hart. Oh, I don’t wear them at night, but I did buy a pair from Branson’s Five & Dime. Sure, the customer I accosted for an autograph claimed to NOT be Corey Hart, but that’s exactly what Corey Hart would say.

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Clowns are to be taken more seriously than mainstream news. But clowns are not to be taken. Put them back or pay for them—or ask the person you took them from to pay for them in a large quantity of small, unmarked bills stacked in a briefcase and left in a prearranged location.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Being so good at math now is surprising, because I didn’t learn to count until the 7th grade. Or was it the 8th? I get those two numbers mixed up.

2020/03/122020/03/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You plant a tree to have something to leave behind, like a monkey in a bathtub. This #SponsoredAd was brought to you by April in The Ozarks.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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After trying out hours and hours of original material, I can assure you that cats hate knock-knock jokes. To them, knocking is no joke, because if you’ve got knickknacks on a shelf, they’ll seriously knock them all off.

2020/02/272020/02/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Please pray for me, and wipe your hands on my product, so it gets your signature scent, and can pulse out Buy Signals to you. $19.95 feels like a mild electrical shock similar to getting struck by lightning.

2020/01/012020/01/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-6

If history repeats itself, endlessly looping, then what better way to record and display the data than in GIF format? A song’s chorus is the hook that snags a listener’s fish-like ears. People respond favorably to repetition. People respond favorably to repetition.

2019/12/072019/12/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make love like I make coffee. That’s why if you buy right now, you get FREE refills for life. (Limited to one customer only. Promotion not valid in the following states: Alaska and Hawaii.)

2019/10/312019/10/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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A parrot will say whatever you tell it to say. If you don’t believe me, just go try talking to a CNN viewer.

2019/10/312019/10/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: dank memes

My only note for Branson’s Anthems of Rock is what I tell potential buyers at my Tupperware Parties: You can never have too much Meatloaf. It makes such perfect Leftovers that a whole show could be done from the classic love ballad that’s beloved by fans of all hearing ranges.

Like this:

When it comes to sunglasses, I’m like Corey Hart. Oh, I don’t wear them at night, but I did buy a pair from Branson’s Five & Dime. Sure, the customer I accosted for an autograph claimed to NOT be Corey Hart, but that’s exactly what Corey Hart would say.

Like this:

Clowns are to be taken more seriously than mainstream news. But clowns are not to be taken. Put them back or pay for them—or ask the person you took them from to pay for them in a large quantity of small, unmarked bills stacked in a briefcase and left in a prearranged location.

Like this:

Being so good at math now is surprising, because I didn’t learn to count until the 7th grade. Or was it the 8th? I get those two numbers mixed up.

Like this:

You plant a tree to have something to leave behind, like a monkey in a bathtub. This #SponsoredAd was brought to you by April in The Ozarks.

Like this:

After trying out hours and hours of original material, I can assure you that cats hate knock-knock jokes. To them, knocking is no joke, because if you’ve got knickknacks on a shelf, they’ll seriously knock them all off.

Like this:

Please pray for me, and wipe your hands on my product, so it gets your signature scent, and can pulse out Buy Signals to you. $19.95 feels like a mild electrical shock similar to getting struck by lightning.

Like this:

If history repeats itself, endlessly looping, then what better way to record and display the data than in GIF format? A song’s chorus is the hook that snags a listener’s fish-like ears. People respond favorably to repetition. People respond favorably to repetition.

Like this:

I make love like I make coffee. That’s why if you buy right now, you get FREE refills for life. (Limited to one customer only. Promotion not valid in the following states: Alaska and Hawaii.)

Like this:

A parrot will say whatever you tell it to say. If you don’t believe me, just go try talking to a CNN viewer.

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