Tag: dancing lessons
Neiman Marcus will be out of business by next year, unlike me, who was never IN business to begin with, so I can make entrepreneurial missteps and then repackage them as Dancing Lessons.
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I’m a born salesman. In fact, I was born earlier than the doctor expected, so before my mom and I left the hospital I was able successfully haggle down the price of the whole process, getting it discounted by the amount of time I saved by appearing before my scheduled arrival.
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Have you considered using Leftover Meatloaf as a sponge to scrub your naked body in the shower? It’s all I seem to think about these days.
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To save money (for me, not you), my Dancing Lessons In A Box are now cardboard-free. (Box sold separately.) Also, this juice only seems Extra Large because this man is Extra Small. But what do you care, it’s FREE when you sign up for my Dancing Lessons.
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I dance like #FakeNews is healthy, and right now I’m offering lessons at CNN prices. If you sign up as a Lifetime Member, I’ll probably even give you a heart attack, and I call that kind of bulk deal The McDonald’s Special.
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Spectators tell me I dance like a flying fish, and it’s true, I am #TheMichaelPhelpsOfBodyAviation, and right now my dancing lessons are ON SALE at defective parachute prices.
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I’m a very serious person. You can tell because I make futuristic suggestions like, “Instead of gasoline, cars should be fueled by dancing.” In that future, if you want to slow your car down, you’d just turn down the volume knob on your stereo.
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If you act now, my Dance Lessons are ON SALE. When you buy them you get FREE refills for life. (There is a slight upcharge for ice.)
In this economic collapse, if there is a job opening, 1,000 people apply to it—and it eventually goes to a robot. A kiosk stole my career.
But is my resentment towards @McDonalds growing? No, because I’m growing out a mullet and making a positive change in my personal image.
Maybe you aren’t as fashionable as me, or don’t want the 24/7 #LustFactor that comes with a mullet. Well, have you considered a #FakeMullet?
Wearing a headband with a fake mullet attached just might be the edge you need to separate yourself form your peers during your next job interview.
And then if you’re ready to bring romance back into your life, you can sign up for my Move To Music Like A Wet Puddle Dance Class.
Oh yes, I dance like a wet puddle, because what other kind of puddles are there? Certainly not a dry one. Duh! Don’t be absurd and sign up today!
But in the meantime, buy this AWESOME #FakeMullet:
Tap here to see this AMAZING #FakeMullet on Amazon.
