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Tag: cute

I have a pet bicycle, and when I take it for a walk people look at me like I’m crazy. What, have you never seen an “I Voted!” T-shirt before?

2021/07/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Little children are geniuses at contorting their faces. Perhaps Jim Carrey could have been even more expressive if instead of practicing in a mirror, he’d just watched kids use body language to say what their limited vocabulary prohibits them from saying.

2021/05/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm’s World Famous SwimmingBird Soup out of four ingredients: Duckling, water, swimming, and Liquified Michael Phelps Motivational Quotes. It’s the last one that gives it that golden flavor.

2021/05/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm will be getting a Mouser Cat tomorrow. I posted a No Trespassing sign, but the field mice just refused to keep out of Quackster Castle. So, tomorrow they will meet a mighty hunter of their nightmares.

2021/02/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My ducks are ON SALE at Buy Four, Get TWO prices. (Limit three per purchase.)

2020/12/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Cats are masters at washing with just wetness, so the look of surprise at being able to soap himself clean with April in The Ozarks is The Mount Everest of excitement.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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What do you think is The Sweetness’ favorite song?

2018/07/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Rent one cat in a bag, get FREE snuggles. The bag is available to rent per hour, per day, or perhaps for life. But hurry, because supplies are limited. First come, first serve, as I only have ONE left IN STOCK.

2018/06/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Sales is hard work, trying to convince people to willingly exchange their money for a good or service. Oh, if only go around trading the threat of violence for real fake money, like the government does, I’d be so rich I wouldn’t care if I were universally despised.

2018/03/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If all we have in this world is love, then we have everything we need, and we have everything everyone wants.

2017/12/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My Tweets

Recent Posts

  • This song will be playing at all the hottest clubs from South Beach to Ibiza, and it will come to define Summer 2022. Babies will be made to this song.
  • McDonald’s makes my grandma’s leftover meatloaf look fresh. She died in 1999.
  • If I wrote a dictionary, would you read it? What if I made it flow like a Nicholas Sparks romance novel?
  • If you are what you eat, then this morning I am nothing. But at least I’m awake, because I’m drinking coffee and I don’t watch mainstream news.
  • If a library has no books, it’s just an empty building, and people would know there had been a heist. But if you burn the library after you loot it, then it’s not a robbery, it’s a loss that won’t be looked for or pursued.
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