Is shopping a chore, or is shopping a pleasure? Depends on who you are—and where you go to spend your money. Smiles cost nothing to give to customers, and they beat Buy One, Get One FREE.
You can offer FREE swag, FREE food, and FREE entertainment, but if people have no money, then they’re not going to buy anything from you. And is that the failure of experiential retail—or The Banksters who have debased our currency and impoverished us all?
Why miss a sale at twenty dollars, when people will buy at $19.95? You lose a nickel, but consumers lose their shit. They may not externalize it, but their excitement shows up at the cashless register.
My coffee is now ON SALE at 5 for $10 plus $89.75, for a total of $19.95 EACH. Incredible! Not only is it expensive, but it’s awful, like Starbucks.
The best part about selling to politicians is they never buy anything, even when they buy everything. They purchase, but The People pay.
Stop by The Shop and get your haircut, even if you have no hair. Right now bald men can SAVE 50% on any style, so long as it’s a flat top.
Making love is a beautiful thing, but remember to bring some Tupperware Containers, just in case you make extra and need to keep it fresh for a few weeks. That way customers don’t complain about the smell of the product you are selling.
Our love is too big for us to selfishly try to hoard it all to ourselves, and that’s why I think we should sell the excess to eager customers who all want what we have.
Love is a gift, and right now mine is ON SALE. Get it while it’s still IN STOCK. You don’t want to miss out on this shiny THING that will surely impress all the people you hate.