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This #sponsored #ad is brought to you by Kind Art Zoo Jar. Why pay more for less, when you could pay less for less?

2019/02/122019/02/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My coffee is now ON SALE at 5 for $10 plus $89.75, for a total of $19.95 EACH. Incredible! Not only is it expensive, but it’s awful, like Starbucks.

2019/02/082019/02/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best part about selling to politicians is they never buy anything, even when they buy everything. They purchase, but The People pay.

2019/02/032019/02/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Actually, I do have other love making sizes to offer besides extra large, but they’re all boxed up in The Warehouse, and probably covered in cobwebs. But because you’re a valued customer, I’ll dust off the extra small to better serve you.

2018/11/272018/11/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Making love is a beautiful thing, but remember to bring some Tupperware Containers, just in case you make extra and need to keep it fresh for a few weeks. That way customers don’t complain about the smell of the product you are selling.

2018/09/092018/09/09 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I should combine my Dancing In A Box with a Music Box, and toss in some FREE shoes, so my potential customers and students have no excuse for not buying. My product is made in a sweatshop, a sauna, unlike Nike, which uses child labor in a sweatshop.

2018/09/082018/09/08 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Love is a gift, and right now mine is ON SALE. Get it while it’s still IN STOCK. You don’t want to miss out on this shiny THING that will surely impress all the people you hate.

2018/08/272018/08/27 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best customer service happens wherever self-checkout kiosks are located, so if you want to be both wrong and sarcastic, you can do everything yourself, and pay for the privilege of you dealing with your impossible nature.

2018/07/02 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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  • Everyone is getting crazier. And poorer. Which is making everyone even crazier.
  • I once wrote a 100,000-word book. But don’t worry, I managed to edit it down to just over one million words.
  • A hundred dollars used to have value. Now it has grown fat and worthless. Or has it grown so skinny as to be useless?
  • If I were the world’s richest man, I’d present myself as the world’s poorest, because I’d want people to want me for me. In fact, I’m so poor I want to be Guinness verified as The World’s Poorest—and I’m even willing to pay for the title (a bribe).
  • Do you enjoy being out in nature? By 2030, when you’re living in your 20 by 30 cement stacked box in the city, you’ll probably be able to rent walks in the park for ONLY $19.95 per month.
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