When it comes to sunglasses, I’m like Corey Hart. Oh, I don’t wear them at night, but I did buy a pair from Branson’s Five & Dime. Sure, the customer I accosted for an autograph claimed to NOT be Corey Hart, but that’s exactly what Corey Hart would say.

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The Chamber of Commerce is a relic of the 1890s, like Oscar Wilde, only not timeless. They’re also not timeful. They’re like a broken watch that everyone keeps looking at, but doesn’t actually do anything but cost money.

2020/06/122020/06/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Every Friday The Thirteenth I celebrate Knights Templar Day. I’ve got THE authentic map that details the location of their hidden treasure, and I’ll sell it to you for ONLY $19.95. (Limit one per customer.)

2020/04/212020/04/21 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When you wash with April in The Ozarks, I guarantee you’ll be fresh. Maybe not as fresh as a monkey in a fur coat and sunglasses with a gold chain and a slow roll stroll, but pretty close.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

If Subway’s chicken is only 50% chicken, so what? I’m 50% chicken, too. (The other half of me is pure coward.)

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Is shopping a chore, or is shopping a pleasure? Depends on who you are—and where you go to spend your money. Smiles cost nothing to give to customers, and they beat Buy One, Get One FREE.

2019/11/262019/11/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make love like I make coffee. That’s why if you buy right now, you get FREE refills for life. (Limited to one customer only. Promotion not valid in the following states: Alaska and Hawaii.)

2019/10/312019/10/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Have you considered using Leftover Meatloaf as a sponge to scrub your naked body in the shower? It’s all I seem to think about these days.

2019/08/302019/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When people ask me, “Why are you so weird?” I like to reply, “Why isn’t Duck Soup made with frogs?” It’s a good question, because I’ll bet Fried Duck Soup would jump right off the menu.

2019/08/242019/08/24 jarodkintz12 Comments

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Tag: customer

When it comes to sunglasses, I’m like Corey Hart. Oh, I don’t wear them at night, but I did buy a pair from Branson’s Five & Dime. Sure, the customer I accosted for an autograph claimed to NOT be Corey Hart, but that’s exactly what Corey Hart would say.

Like this:

The Chamber of Commerce is a relic of the 1890s, like Oscar Wilde, only not timeless. They’re also not timeful. They’re like a broken watch that everyone keeps looking at, but doesn’t actually do anything but cost money.

Like this:

Every Friday The Thirteenth I celebrate Knights Templar Day. I’ve got THE authentic map that details the location of their hidden treasure, and I’ll sell it to you for ONLY $19.95. (Limit one per customer.)

Like this:

When you wash with April in The Ozarks, I guarantee you’ll be fresh. Maybe not as fresh as a monkey in a fur coat and sunglasses with a gold chain and a slow roll stroll, but pretty close.

Like this:

If Subway’s chicken is only 50% chicken, so what? I’m 50% chicken, too. (The other half of me is pure coward.)

Like this:

Is shopping a chore, or is shopping a pleasure? Depends on who you are—and where you go to spend your money. Smiles cost nothing to give to customers, and they beat Buy One, Get One FREE.

Like this:

I make love like I make coffee. That’s why if you buy right now, you get FREE refills for life. (Limited to one customer only. Promotion not valid in the following states: Alaska and Hawaii.)

Like this:

Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

Like this:

Have you considered using Leftover Meatloaf as a sponge to scrub your naked body in the shower? It’s all I seem to think about these days.

Like this:

When people ask me, “Why are you so weird?” I like to reply, “Why isn’t Duck Soup made with frogs?” It’s a good question, because I’ll bet Fried Duck Soup would jump right off the menu.

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