No live bats are injured in the making of my Duck Soup. To mimic the flavor of FlyingMouse, I use black powdered CaveBird of the variety that used to be shoved inside of muskets to make them fire.
People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.
Sure, Bill Gates is one of the publicized richest men in the world, and he can afford to purchase SwimmingBird Pie, but I think you’ll agree that sometimes FREE just tastes better. Look how happy he is that I shared my world-famous pie with him. He can’t believe I’m so generous.
Of course, I’m open to seasoning my Duck Soup with other sounds, like Track # 3 from U2’s classic 1987 hit album “The Joshua Tree.” Though I might have to charge an additional $19.95 for such an exotic flavor.
I’m learning to play the trumpet one string at a time. I wish this whole experience was microwavable, because it’s frozen and taking forever in the oven.
When I write my autobiography, it will be a cookbook called “4,321 Ways To Eat Leftover Meatloaf.” The only two unifying elements, besides the Leftover Meatloaf, will the blindfold and the clothespin, to plug your nose. The book’s suggested retail price will be $19.95.
When I’m not making cakes, my hobbies include terrorizing trailer parks and being photographed by storm chasers.
Stove FOR SALE. Get it while it’s HOT! Actually, it doesn’t actually get hot, but it would look great in your kitchen or yard.
I make Winter Soup. It’s frozen, and it comes on a stick, so you can lick it like a popsicle. It comes in two flavors: Yummy and Extra Yummy. (Warning: It may be dangerous to try tasting Soup Popsicles anally.)