Being the fastest man to run while remaining seated comes with perks. Right now, I have three sponsorship options. Nike, of course, La-Z-Boy, naturally, and the third group that wants to pay me is The National Association of Handicapped Parking Space Painters.

2020/09/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

2020/03/152020/03/15 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Some people make weird memes, but as the Founder, President, and only member of Citizens For Serious Memes And Against Absurdity, I think that’s nonsense. Meetings for this prestigious Meme Culture Association are held every morning in my shower.

2020/03/102020/03/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You plant a tree to have something to leave behind, like a monkey in a bathtub. This #SponsoredAd was brought to you by April in The Ozarks.

2020/02/282020/02/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Today a guy asked me who’s the US President, and I looked at him like he was crazy before replying, “Desmond is Amazing.” He just stared blankly so I quickly added, “Wait, what time is it? I just got back from the year 2050, so that’s why I have a shopping cart full of bananas.”

2020/02/232020/02/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once met a man in Branson, and I thought to myself, “Who is this guy?” So I went up to him and said, “Is that you, dad?” He laughed and told me he was younger than me, so I said, “So does that make you my grandpa?” Then I tried to sell him some pills that cure dyslexia.

2020/01/202020/01/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I make love like I make coffee. That’s why if you buy right now, you get FREE refills for life. (Limited to one customer only. Promotion not valid in the following states: Alaska and Hawaii.)

2019/10/312019/10/31 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Did I say I don’t believe The Official Narrative? I was just kidding. So, where can I sign up for WWIII?

2019/10/252019/10/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If your eyeballs are on fire, you might try putting on sunglasses so you don’t blind me while I talk to you. Come on, be considerate while carrying on a conversation.

2019/10/102019/10/10 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: conversation

I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

Like this:

For you, the buyer, the best part about FREE refills is the price. Now ONLY $19.95! (Plus shipping and fondling.)

Like this:

Some people make weird memes, but as the Founder, President, and only member of Citizens For Serious Memes And Against Absurdity, I think that’s nonsense. Meetings for this prestigious Meme Culture Association are held every morning in my shower.

Like this:

You plant a tree to have something to leave behind, like a monkey in a bathtub. This #SponsoredAd was brought to you by April in The Ozarks.

Like this:

Today a guy asked me who’s the US President, and I looked at him like he was crazy before replying, “Desmond is Amazing.” He just stared blankly so I quickly added, “Wait, what time is it? I just got back from the year 2050, so that’s why I have a shopping cart full of bananas.”

Like this:

I once met a man in Branson, and I thought to myself, “Who is this guy?” So I went up to him and said, “Is that you, dad?” He laughed and told me he was younger than me, so I said, “So does that make you my grandpa?” Then I tried to sell him some pills that cure dyslexia.

Like this:

I make love like I make coffee. That’s why if you buy right now, you get FREE refills for life. (Limited to one customer only. Promotion not valid in the following states: Alaska and Hawaii.)

Like this:

Did I say I don’t believe The Official Narrative? I was just kidding. So, where can I sign up for WWIII?

Like this:

If your eyeballs are on fire, you might try putting on sunglasses so you don’t blind me while I talk to you. Come on, be considerate while carrying on a conversation.

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