I used to give swimming lessons to dolphins, and I can tell you that this mammal has the aquatic talent of tumbleweed in the desert. I also once raced Michael Phelps and won. Not THE Michael Phelps, but A Michael Phelps, though I still think it’s a trophy-worthy accomplishment.
My favorite color is Teddy Bear, and perhaps the fact that I wear this exact tuxedo when I compete is why I am the undefeated and undisputed World Cuddling Champion. Actually, there was once a minor dispute, but that issue got resolved with a mere $20 bribe.