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Tag: coffin

This meme is not actually sponsored at this time, but I did repeatedly leave messages for Tupperware’s billing department. My fee is reasonable, and my offer will stay fresh in the fridge just like leftover meatloaf.

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Rocky 4 is #1, and while Rocky is Rocky 1, it’s still #2. Rocky 2 is somewhere in the middle, like the year 1212. It’s time to take that time out of the freezer and reheat it in a volcano, like you’d do with any other leftovers.

2020/06/232020/06/23 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Perhaps a coffin maker is the one salesman who can’t entice customers with Buy One Get One FREE. Especially if that customer is single, because he’s divorced and broke, from paying a fancy wedding DJ.

2019/09/042019/09/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Funerals are so expensive these days that if I should die, don’t buy me a coffin, just bury me in a Tupperware Container and leave me in the back of the fridge with the Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/04/142019/04/14 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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FREE yellow carpet AND installation with the purchase of a urinal. It doesn’t flush, so it has that in common with the carpet, and that’s what makes it so much fun to use!

2019/04/042019/04/04 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People say romance is dead. I refuse to believe that, because I never got the opportunity to sell it a handcrafted coffin.

2019/02/032019/02/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You are what you consume, and I guess that makes me an all-you-can-eat buffet. Come to my funeral for discounted prices on ALL remaining body parts.

2018/08/242018/08/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Just because my absurdity comes in a box shaped like a coffin that’s not actually a coffin doesn’t mean I don’t also sell coffins. Right now my coffins are on sale at Buy One Get One Half Off prices. I also sell them in family packs.

2017/12/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • Let me know the next time you go on a tropical vacation, so I can knit you a bikini. If you book now, I’ll even throw in a sloshing coffee table that comes with FREE refills.
  • They call it the Theater of War because it’s a play. The Zionists are playing you for fools, and they applaud when you kill their enemies—and they applaud when you die fighting for them. The next war will be their biggest ever blood-sacrifice ritual to Moloch.
  • Everybody knows I’m an adrenaline junky. That’s why nobody lets me watch mainstream news, because they know how it gets my heart rate amped. Fake narratives have a way of doing that to me.
  • It’s not that I don’t like buying things, it’s that I don’t like paying. But if you’re going to waste your money, you may as well spend it on me.
  • Dunkin’ Donuts considers its rival to be Starbucks. That means when Dunkin’ comes to town, not only are local donut shops threatened, but so are our local coffee shops. Way to go, Chamber of Commerce! You have helped to siphon money away from TWO categories of local businesses!
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