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Love now, not later. Also, love later.

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She makes my heart flutter like a butterfly, when before it was still like a rose, and so in return I bought her the most romantic gift ever: A used dishwasher. I would have bought her a new one, but babies splash around too much in the sink.

2020/12/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The best part about living in The Ozarks is I’m not living anywhere else. This will be especially true when everywhere else gets destroyed, and I’m safe and alone, except for the elites who also saw The CIA map showing Florida getting flooded, along with most of The US.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Every morning I give thanks for not only being alive, but for having my life. Can you imagine how terrible life would be if I were you?

2019/08/262019/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you thought bull riding was dangerous, you should try straddling a bucking cloud. I’ve never attempted something so crazy, because not only am I afraid of heights, but I’m also terrified of floating condensed water vapor.

2019/03/032019/03/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Love is everywhere, but love isn’t everywhere evenly. There is more love in The Ozarks than anywhere else, because that’s where I am.

2018/08/172018/08/17 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Romance is like billowy smoke that rolls by in the breeze, never to tumble on the wind the same way again, and no matter how much you want to recapture its signature essence, once it floats by it’s gone forever.

2018/08/122018/08/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I am a Farmer of Romance, and I am trying to grow in love. Of all the things to grow, in love is the most profitable.

2018/07/07 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I once saw two old men about to get into a fistfight on the street, and I had to physically get in between them to stop them, because the crowd had just gathered and nobody had been able to place any bets yet.

2018/03/24 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Follow me on Twitter

My Tweets

Recent Posts

  • Who is going to win this year’s Super Bowl? I don’t know, because rather than waste my time watching The NFL, I’d rather watch other scripted TV programs.
  • Combat is dangerous, and no matter if it’s Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai, or grappling, no Octagon Warrior wants to get put to sleep by a Pillow Fighter. That’s why Dana White won’t sign me to a contract.
  • Dr. Gibsmedat is right. Where’s my fake money?!
  • Eating at Outback in Branson is always a good time. But you’d better plan ahead, because that time is seventeen hours in the future.
  • The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
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