I like winning almost as much as I like not losing. That’s why I shop at The Trophy Store, because for ONLY $19.95, I can be the best at anything in the world—and I don’t even have to practice or compete.

2020/12/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

What makes champagne so bubbly? It’s the laughter it brings.

2020/09/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Ah, April in The Ozarks Day. I love this time of year because it lasts all year. It’s the one day of the year that’s all the days of the year, and that makes it special.

2020/04/012020/04/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.

2019/10/162019/10/16 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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When I get married, I think I am going to invite the trees of The Ozarks to my wedding, because it will be wonderful on my Day of Love to be surrounded by so many of my dancing students.

2018/10/052018/10/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Our love is too big for us to selfishly try to hoard it all to ourselves, and that’s why I think we should sell the excess to eager customers who all want what we have.

2018/08/302018/08/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Lilly Hobbs versus Fast Food. Quality overcomes speed. A local business For The Win!

2018/08/262018/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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There are two kinds of fireworks: The kind that explode in the sky for people celebrating Officially Sanctioned Holidays, and the kind that come from talking shit about Officially Sanctioned Holidays. I prefer the latter, and I make them myself. They’re FOR SALE until July 4th.

2018/06/28 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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At one time in my youth, I loved playing basketball. That was probably the best 30 seconds of my life.

2018/02/202018/02/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Tag: celebration

I like winning almost as much as I like not losing. That’s why I shop at The Trophy Store, because for ONLY $19.95, I can be the best at anything in the world—and I don’t even have to practice or compete.

Like this:

What makes champagne so bubbly? It’s the laughter it brings.

Like this:

Ah, April in The Ozarks Day. I love this time of year because it lasts all year. It’s the one day of the year that’s all the days of the year, and that makes it special.

Like this:

My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.

Like this:

When I get married, I think I am going to invite the trees of The Ozarks to my wedding, because it will be wonderful on my Day of Love to be surrounded by so many of my dancing students.

Like this:

Our love is too big for us to selfishly try to hoard it all to ourselves, and that’s why I think we should sell the excess to eager customers who all want what we have.

Like this:

Lilly Hobbs versus Fast Food. Quality overcomes speed. A local business For The Win!

Like this:

There are two kinds of fireworks: The kind that explode in the sky for people celebrating Officially Sanctioned Holidays, and the kind that come from talking shit about Officially Sanctioned Holidays. I prefer the latter, and I make them myself. They’re FOR SALE until July 4th.

Like this:

At one time in my youth, I loved playing basketball. That was probably the best 30 seconds of my life.

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