I like winning almost as much as I like not losing. That’s why I shop at The Trophy Store, because for ONLY $19.95, I can be the best at anything in the world—and I don’t even have to practice or compete.
Tag: celebrate
Ah, April in The Ozarks Day. I love this time of year because it lasts all year. It’s the one day of the year that’s all the days of the year, and that makes it special.
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My favorite bird is Thanksgiving, and I eat it once a year twice, to celebrate being able to celebrate. I take absurdity very seriously, and I suggest you $19.95 while you can still afford it or before it melts into Leftover Meatloaf.
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Our love is too big for us to selfishly try to hoard it all to ourselves, and that’s why I think we should sell the excess to eager customers who all want what we have.
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There are two kinds of fireworks: The kind that explode in the sky for people celebrating Officially Sanctioned Holidays, and the kind that come from talking shit about Officially Sanctioned Holidays. I prefer the latter, and I make them myself. They’re FOR SALE until July 4th.
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At one time in my youth, I loved playing basketball. That was probably the best 30 seconds of my life.
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