The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
Tag: cats
People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.
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I know I advertised nude content from Michael J. 666 to get you to sign up for my OnlyFans account, but would you be disappointed enough to ask for a refund if all my videos are of me reading Victorian Love Poetry while sitting by a fire with my cat on my lap?
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People often mistake my extreme athleticism for laziness. They think my cat and I are simply taking a nap, but they don’t realize we are training in the sport known as Cuddling. The only way you get to be World Cuddling Champions is if you train for hours and hours every day.
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Lies come in all sorts of flavors, while The Truth is always vanilla. However, while you can get a lie in any flavor you’d like, it is always camouflaged poison.
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I drink every ounce of beer like it’s a liquid gold coin. Craig at Cheeky Monkey made me feel like a Swiss vault—and at piggybank prices.
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When it comes to Sweet Sensations by Marie’s cupcakes, it’s hard to pick a favorite. But if I had to choose just one, I’d make it one of everything.
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“You break it, you buy it.” That retail maxim is what I told my cat. Well, he broke it. But he couldn’t buy it, because not only does he not have any money—he doesn’t even have any fake money (dollars).
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I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.
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TODAY is the last day to take a tour of BearPaw Duck Farm—until TOMORROW. The ticket price today is $19.95, but with the way The Federal Reserve is printing fake money, tomorrow it may cost you ONE TRILLION DOLLARS. Just ask 2005 Zimbabwe.
