People often mistake my extreme athleticism for laziness. They think my cat and I are simply taking a nap, but they don’t realize we are training in the sport known as Cuddling. The only way you get to be World Cuddling Champions is if you train for hours and hours every day.

2020/10/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Lies come in all sorts of flavors, while The Truth is always vanilla. However, while you can get a lie in any flavor you’d like, it is always camouflaged poison.

2020/09/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

I drink every ounce of beer like it’s a liquid gold coin. Craig at Cheeky Monkey made me feel like a Swiss vault—and at piggybank prices.

2020/09/06 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

When it comes to Sweet Sensations by Marie’s cupcakes, it’s hard to pick a favorite. But if I had to choose just one, I’d make it one of everything.

2020/08/262020/08/26 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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“You break it, you buy it.” That retail maxim is what I told my cat. Well, he broke it. But he couldn’t buy it, because not only does he not have any money—he doesn’t even have any fake money (dollars).

2020/08/252020/08/25 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

2020/08/012020/08/01 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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TODAY is the last day to take a tour of BearPaw Duck Farm—until TOMORROW. The ticket price today is $19.95, but with the way The Federal Reserve is printing fake money, tomorrow it may cost you ONE TRILLION DOLLARS. Just ask 2005 Zimbabwe.

2020/05/192020/05/19 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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As I was petting my cat this morning, it hit me that maybe my cat was stillfully rubbing my hand. In this upside-down world of negative interest rates, can you really be sure of anything except the value of duck eggs?

2020/05/032020/05/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-10

The perfect pet is half cat, half waterfall, because you could splash in snuggles, but also take it for a walk down a mountain. But why go through all that work, when you could just take The Ozarks Service Escalator?

2020/05/032020/05/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

giphy-9

Isn’t the mortality rate of The Coronavirus something like .003%? I guess Americans think trading 100% of our FREEDOM, and our ability to support ourselves, is a good bargain for something less deadly than drinking Corona beer and driving

2020/04/11 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

Tag: cats

People often mistake my extreme athleticism for laziness. They think my cat and I are simply taking a nap, but they don’t realize we are training in the sport known as Cuddling. The only way you get to be World Cuddling Champions is if you train for hours and hours every day.

Like this:

Lies come in all sorts of flavors, while The Truth is always vanilla. However, while you can get a lie in any flavor you’d like, it is always camouflaged poison.

Like this:

I drink every ounce of beer like it’s a liquid gold coin. Craig at Cheeky Monkey made me feel like a Swiss vault—and at piggybank prices.

Like this:

When it comes to Sweet Sensations by Marie’s cupcakes, it’s hard to pick a favorite. But if I had to choose just one, I’d make it one of everything.

Like this:

“You break it, you buy it.” That retail maxim is what I told my cat. Well, he broke it. But he couldn’t buy it, because not only does he not have any money—he doesn’t even have any fake money (dollars).

Like this:

I love my cousin, and I’d never lie to him. Not only because I love him, but because he’s deaf, which means he reads body language like The Florida State University football team reads Dr. Seuss, and you can try to deceive with your words, but your body will always betray you.

Like this:

TODAY is the last day to take a tour of BearPaw Duck Farm—until TOMORROW. The ticket price today is $19.95, but with the way The Federal Reserve is printing fake money, tomorrow it may cost you ONE TRILLION DOLLARS. Just ask 2005 Zimbabwe.

Like this:

As I was petting my cat this morning, it hit me that maybe my cat was stillfully rubbing my hand. In this upside-down world of negative interest rates, can you really be sure of anything except the value of duck eggs?

Like this:

The perfect pet is half cat, half waterfall, because you could splash in snuggles, but also take it for a walk down a mountain. But why go through all that work, when you could just take The Ozarks Service Escalator?

Like this:

Isn’t the mortality rate of The Coronavirus something like .003%? I guess Americans think trading 100% of our FREEDOM, and our ability to support ourselves, is a good bargain for something less deadly than drinking Corona beer and driving

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