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I love the sound of fall leaves crunching under my feet as I walk on them. But wait, those are potato chips, my football helmet is full of nacho cheese, and this is winter. Shop #BearPawDuckAndMemeFarm for a smorgasbord of assorted tasty ear treats.

2021/02/13 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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BearPaw Duck & Meme Farm will be getting a Mouser Cat tomorrow. I posted a No Trespassing sign, but the field mice just refused to keep out of Quackster Castle. So, tomorrow they will meet a mighty hunter of their nightmares.

2021/02/12 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Are you the sort of person who eats dessert before or after dinner? As for me, I do BOTH. I eat dessert, dinner, and then dessert again. Without the desserts on both sides of the dinner, there’d be no balance, and a balanced diet is a healthy diet.

2021/02/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.

2021/01/22 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.

2020/12/20 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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If you are wise in your own eyes, then you are Helen Keller. I’ll bet you also think you’re a good listener.

2020/12/05 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People who say I can’t do something are wrong. I can do it. I just don’t want to do it. Or I’ll get around to doing it after they’ve already gotten someone else to do it. But that kind of customer service usually costs extra, and that’s why you shop BearPaw Duck Farm.

2020/12/03 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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I know I advertised nude content from Michael J. 666 to get you to sign up for my OnlyFans account, but would you be disappointed enough to ask for a refund if all my videos are of me reading Victorian Love Poetry while sitting by a fire with my cat on my lap?

2020/10/30 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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People often mistake my extreme athleticism for laziness. They think my cat and I are simply taking a nap, but they don’t realize we are training in the sport known as Cuddling. The only way you get to be World Cuddling Champions is if you train for hours and hours every day.

2020/10/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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You know this virus is real because everyone who tells you to fear it is fake. They’ll even mimic the symptoms in this second wave, so that the morons rush out to get poisoned to get cured.

2020/10/18 jarodkintz1Leave a comment

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Recent Posts

  • I have the rarest of all sportsball cards. I have a one-of-one misprint. It’s supposed to be John Gochnaur, but the picture and name say Babe Ruth, whoever that is. It’s also autographed Tom Brady, and you know it’s authentic because I signed it myself. Now FOR SALE in Dogecoin.
  • Even if I had both my knees replaced with two Rubik’s cubes, I’d still make coffee runs to Neighbor’s Mill. The only puzzle to me is how anybody would ever choose a donut from Dunkin’ over one from Dad’s.
  • Your eyes have to be glazed over with stupidity to think that one FREE glazed donut per day from Krispy Kreme is some kind of valuable reward for letting yourself be injected with fluid that makes viper poison look wholesome.
  • At BearPaw Duck and Meme Farm, we believe the only thing that separates meatloaf from birthday cake is candles. Since they both have the same great flavor, why don’t you buy a slab for your next celebration?
  • As a farmer of waterfalls here in Harrison, Arkansas, I get to raise air-flowing bodies of aqua. Though this one is just a baby, with the right diet, it may grow up to be the next Niagara.
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