The way water sits still in a glass and holds its shape, that’s how I dance. Luckily for you, I am now offering FREE refills.
Tag: cat memes
When math and English have sex, the baby is Algebra. I’m just glad I’m not the father, but to be honest, I was a little concerned.
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Sleeping should be an Olympic sport. I’m not a very good sleeper now, but in four years, training 18-20 hours a day, I just might be World Champion. Do I have the work ethic to train that hard and sleep that long? Ask my Statistics 101 professor.
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Did I say BearPaw Duck Farm was now offering FREE refills on coffee? I meant SwimmingBird Soup. Still, if you have a Helen Keller palate and an opaque thermos, it’s just as jolting.
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People always ask me, “Jarod, BearPaw Duck Farm makes the BEST SwimmingBird Soup. So, what’s the secret ingredient?” Simple: Swimming. You don’t have to be Michael Phelps to figure that out.
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I’m not a misanthrope. No, really, I do like people. Cats are people, right?
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The worst part about this Coronavirus Crisis is that since everything has been canceled, I can’t watch sports. It’s true that as a fan I was Helen Kelleresque, but I was just about to get serious about life, and finally start paying attention to what truly matters in this world.
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Branson’s got more waterfalls per square mile than any other shape of measuring landmass. Next time, try circles! (Waterproof sticks sold separately.)
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After trying out hours and hours of original material, I can assure you that cats hate knock-knock jokes. To them, knocking is no joke, because if you’ve got knickknacks on a shelf, they’ll seriously knock them all off.
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Today is the one that introduces Yesterday to Tomorrow. If it weren’t for Today, Nostalgia would never meet Hope.
